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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Granting Clemency Too

I'm surrounded by great people. I assume my own greatness (yes...I'm claiming it) is as a result of coming from and being wrapped up by great people.

So, my great sister stopped through & read what I had to say on the topic of forgiveness. My sister is no slouch with words and mine triggered her to respond to a conversation we've apparently begun some time ago. Like I said, this theme keeps creeping up on my dashboard.

Oh Great Big Sis of mine said I was on the right track, that forgiveness is an organic exercise that happens within, not without, which automatically means it's NEVER about the other person. I was asked how many times have I intentionally or unintentionally wronged someone? How have my words sliced? & if nothing else have, I know my words have. How have my eyes cut through someone's soul? Did I ignore an important moment, refuse to acknowledge presence, shit on someone in some way or another? The answer for us all is yes. Most of the time we don't intend anyone harm, but in our basic movements, being who we are on a day to day basis, we upset the balance of someone else's journey. We walk as the wielder of weapons and the wounded. The only part of either of those sides that we can control is the part we played.

I've grown a lot. I used to play for keeps as a young girl. Oh, you thought you were gon' do me dirty? Bet, I had somethin' fo'ya!! It wasn't goin' down like that. I had the lock on vengeance. But that's a young girl's game. I do still look young, and my spirit still is, but to know better is to do better and I can't walk that path anymore. Said all that to say that if you've been hurt by me in recent years, it wasn't intentional. That makes my apology sincere & I hope I've apologized to you before now. If I have not, I hope you'll accept this one.

To that man I loved (& if I ever loved you...I still do) but expected more of you than you had to give...I apologize.

To those women who I love but don't roll with anymore, and though I doubt you'd have understood where my heart was if I'd tried to explain it, I apologize for my stubbornness and my inability to communicate effectively.

I'm sure there are some others I need to dish, but I'll just leave those 2 as appetizers.

But now I must forgive myself for anything I may be harboring against myself, recognizing myself less as victim but as the one in control of my perceptions and how I choose to carry these bags. So for me, they're designer now, and lightweight, with only enough space for what I need today. Past that, each day is a new one and I'll try my damndest to leave yesterday where it is, except for the lessons.

Shaking some of this load off.
I'm lighter.

Watch me move.

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