My girlfriend said:
Finally, the seldom seen WritusHermitusWhoHatesUs emerges from her bicentennial hibernation. Shhh, don't make any sudden moves...They don't trust humans.
1st of all, I hate you. crackin up!
2ndly, she's right. Some of my friends have been tryin to amp me up to do me for YEARS. And I have sat quietly in awe of everyone else's gifts, as though mine don't exist next to theirs. Same girlfriend also shared:
Deny the gift, deny the giver. Anonymous Ancestor
I've always heard people tell folks who sing that if they don't use their gift, God will take it from them. I don't know why I thought it would be any different for gifts outside of singing. I've been taking this humility thing to the extreme keeping it all to myself, save a few trusted friends. I have friends who don't know I write to breathe. There are also people, though not friends, who can't imagine that I'm a FOOL! I guess I've kept me close to me.
Why? 2 reasons. I already stated the 1st. I'm always fascinated by other people's talents. The way other folks write, the way other folks sing, the way they draw, paint, take pictures, dance... But it's not a competition. We can appreciate each other and be appreciated at the same time.
The 2nd reason:
The Fear Factor. I'm the kind of chick that finds nudity very easy to achieve. I'm comfortable in my own skin, even with my flaws. Clothing is just a barrier between me and being arrested for indecent exposure and the discomfort of others. In the comfort of my own home, nudity rules. It just feels...natural. To be naked, on the other hand, is difficult. Naked=vulnerability in it's truest form. To allow others to see your whole self all at once, not knowing if you'll be harshly judged or accepted. People already don't get what this is, and like Erykah Badu said, "I'm a artist, and I'm sensitive 'bout my shit."
What I'm doing right now is SO RISKY! People see themselves in your words and take offense, as though you've told their secrets. The wild part is that we're all busy having the same or similar experiences, and that stuff you're going through ain't exclusive to you. If your name isn't attached to it, don't make it so by catching feelings and sharing that. I've lost some friends due to misunderstood words. And I'm sure I'll lose some more in this process. As previously mentioned--I gotta do this. I'm a storyteller, mostly telling MY story, but all good storytellers pull from what they see around them. If you're in my scope, you may affect what I say, but know nothing is personally about you or intended to dime you out. When appropriate, I'll drop a name or an initial to give credit where credit is due. If I want you to know you were specifically included, it'll be obvious. So, no need to go searching for yourself. The intention will never be to put you on front street, but to continue disrobing and find myself naked in front of YOU, no longer needing your acceptance, therefore no longer fearing its arrival.
So, yeah, the WritusHermitusWhoHatesUs has awakened. Who knows what will come outta my "mouth." Do know that I've never really been one for guilt, and I'm working on forgiving SELF, so I apologize in advance if you get offended in these pages, but I will not be spending a great deal of time feeling sorry. I've already wasted too much time doing that as it is.
This is purposeful evolution y'all; thinking out loud.
Watch me move.