Peeking Through Stained Glass Windows
I'm taking liberties...like anyone who stumbles across this page knows me. I have to give some kind of background knowledge to make me make sense.
30 something SBF. The S in SBF is by choice. 2 short, and sometimes very long, years ago I was marching steadily towards the top of the matrimonial aisle. Deep in love & ready to take on the challenges of wifedom and motherhood. Reason or a season kicked in and the season ended as all seasons do. It ended well, leaving my best friend and I still...friends, or some mutated form of friendship. That relationship had me deep in the trenches, battle gear on, ready. When my tour of duty ended, I decided to take a break. "I need some time, to ease my mind."
Like I said, the S in SBF is by choice. & it feels damn good. Most days. Most nights, rather.
Tonight, the moon is sitting heavily in my lap. The tide must be high and key planets must be aligned. Yeah...it's hot outside, but I've been experiencing a different kind of summer today. The kind that's reminiscent of the humidity created by 2 bodies communicating via ancient tribal languages. When 2 bodies are using their tongues to make the other speak in tongues, leaving tongues wagging and air gasping.
Today I imagined coming home and finding "him" stretched across the bed in "his" God-given glory, waiting just for me to hold church and make the congregation of 1 say "A-man!" I'd pass the collection plate on his behalf, serve him power foods and then quench his thirst on my own fresh nectars. A goddess masquerading as common folk, satisfying carnal appetites, discovering that there are gods that walk among men.
Alas, it is not to be. With every choice comes consequences. A focus on self often means that there WILL be a cool side of the bed to roll onto. But that's not such a bad thing. Relationship or no relationship, my favorite way to sleep has always been alone. And it's always a good morning. Maybe tomorrow will find me weaker than today, or perhaps my resolve will be that much stronger.
The time between dawn and dusk is always an adventure, guessing at how it'll all go down when the sun goes down. I look forward to it.
Watch me move.