Life has a way of getting a way from you...if you don't stay on top of it.
When I was 13, I had my life planned out--well, as much of it as I could grasp at 13. I knew I was going to college and that I'd meet my husband there. We would graduate and marry shortly thereafter. I had enough sense then to know that I didn't want to have babies immediately and wrote in that my degreed husband and I would wait no less than 2 years to really feel out the marriage piece and solidify what we had together. I've always been a smart girl, so I won't question why I knew we should enjoy each other before adding babies to the mix. I was going to be a psychologist/authoress with my practice in the basement office (a la Cliff Huxtable) and my Zen environment and soothing demeanor would be the reason why I wouldn't have room for everyone trying to get on my patient list. <insert laughter here> My schedule would be created around my children's needs and my writing projects. I didn't write what my husband's career was, just that it would keep us comfortable and able to do what we wanted to do. We'd have to be able to take care of the 6 children we'd have, giving birth to 3 and adopting 3, with a son born first so as to be the protector of his future siblings. I always wanted my daughters to be tormented and beat up by an older brother so they'd know how to scrap.
Sidebar--at the age of 8, my favorite song was Darlin Nikki by Prince and at the age of 9, my favorite song was Secret Lovers, by Atlantic Starr.
So, somehow in my 13 year old wisdom, I knew I'd have 3 husbands and the 3rd would be the love of my life who I've known for most of it and should have been with the 1st time around. I even remember the dream I had where I sat at an outdoor cafe with my then husband (we'll assume it's #2) and having the man I'd always wanted to be with happen upon us and tell me to make a choice. I looked at my husband, who wore a most incredulous look on his face, and with a tear in my eye took off my wedding band and placed it on the napkin in front of him. I got up and walked off with my true intended. I wasn't allowed to watch much television so you can't blame my imagination on that.
Needless to say, NONE of that has happened for me, except meeting the man who should be my husband in college. And life did just what I prophesied it would and separated us. We remain GREAT friends to this day, but the togetherness thing just never came about. Hhmmmmm.... I'm alright with not having lived up to a young girl's musings. My life didn't steer dangerously out of control and put me on a path that isn't right for me. I am observing what happens when people make major moves on partial information. Even with things running relatively smooth in my life there are times when I step back and wonder if things could slow down a bit and let me catch my breath. It breaks my heart to see some close to me having an almost out of body experience, thinking back on the good ol' days and numbly moving through the jagged edged present they're currently living.
When we're little, parents always warn us not to touch the hot stove, and many of us don't listen. A small burn on your fingers as a child is nothing compared to the joy-stealing lessons life has to offer for those that don't pay attention to the signage along the way. I haven't come across too much in my life that was just a total shock, with no warning labels posted. We, as human beings, tend to listen to and see only that which pleases us and leave the rest to chance. Then we act surprised when we walk into the shit storm and catch feces across the face. Like any storm, it will pass, but it will come to an end faster if you walk through it and don't sit still waiting for it to move on. And on the other side is a hot bath and a dry towel so you can clean up and prepare for what's waiting for you down the road.
We must actively live our lives, not simply wish upon a star or write the list and put it in the "pot."
Watch me move.