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Wednesday

Emotional Fissures


Today I feel like a nomad in my own life. Or perhaps I mean through it since nomads don't stand still. This feeling of being without roots is more than a little unsettling. Nothing feels solid in my reality, I feel like I'm sifting through concepts, trying to decide on a new religion.

I can start the sentence "I have no ____________," and complete it many ways. The remedy for this is to take a moment out to be thankful for what I do have. I'm rich in ways many will never know. I don't take it for granted, but sometimes the ways to say thank you in languages beyond English or words at all, are limited. Severely.

Parts of me are screaming out to be acknowledged by...me. I want to play my story on a big screen at a drive-thru and invite everyone to the viewing. I'd sit in the director's chair and speak the credits myself because the end hasn't happened yet.

"Once upon a time" is like saying abracadabra. It conjures old things into the present and makes me almost feel like they're new. I know better. I am both being tested and the test for another. Which of us will fail? Does either of us have to?

One of my favorite authors wrote and this too shall pass. Truth. This day will be yesterday, a memory, and I won't get the details right. My mind tends to shed the things I need to keep from painting my glasses the color of Valentine bouquets. My saving grace is that my memory gets stored in another vessel that waits til the appropriate moment to lay them out thinly like sushi-grade fish.

And now I'm hungry. Deeper than food. I've got a tape worm in my heart and it's never full. Feed me, Seymour!!

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