The Internet can be a cruel and unusual abyss of half-cocked opinions and bargain basement analysis, especially when it comes to Black wom...
Keyless Entry? I Think Not!!
There’s a new dude trying to get on the scene.
He’s nice enough, so far. Attractive enough, on the outside. Tall enough, compared to whom (grammar check says this is the correct usage) normally comes my way. Seems adventurous. Earns his own money. Appears to have his own stuff. He also seems very clear about what he wants RIGHT NOW. All good, right? Right.
Seeing as how we just met, nothing in my world has changed as a result. And once I share this on Facebook, he may never speak to me again, despite there being no mention of his name. You talk it out, Cutie, I’ll type it out. We’ll meet somewhere in the middle.
Anyway. New Guy invites me out for cocktails. It’s a school night for me 4 nights out of the week and it’s hard for me to do extracurricular, even with my promise to self to get it in a little more. Truth be told…I’ve run up on a new kind of tired. Before, I had a room full of children wearing me down. Now I have a school full of children wearing me out and the difference is extremely noticeable. To boot, I mistakenly brought work home, which didn’t help matters any, violating one of my own new rules not to work harder than my students. Perhaps I need to get better at adopting playing just as hard as they do…. The point: I had to tell homie “not tonight.” I told him what night of the week might be better for him to receive a “yes” to his offer and made a joke that if I knew him better he could come help me with some of this cutting I brought home.
Apparently, I stepped on a nerve in a stiletto because the conversation almost felt like an argument. His vibe was defensive, as though I’d just called him a nobody through my unwillingness to divulge my address. He felt like as a man with a sister he should be given more credit for being sensitive the feelings and concerns of women. I’d like to believe it’s that simple, but every man I know was born of a woman and that hasn’t stopped men (not as a whole) from offending, assaulting, raping, and murdering women daily. I wasn’t callin’ my man out, but I can’t be out here taking chances with my life. I discovered that even those men I’ve called friend, or deeper, aren’t necessarily beholden to a code of ethics that guarantees my safety. There will be no chances taken on strangers.
On top of that, it’s my house. I know a lot of people. Most don’t know where I live. Not because anything is wrong with you/them, necessarily, but because my home is my sanctuary. I take it very seriously the energies I allow in here, taking care not to allow anyone to come in and alter the balance I’ve created. This is where I return to lay it all down, to lay it all out. It’s where the work happens, good and bad. It’s where I get fed and, on rare occasions, feed. My SELF lives here and she’s sensitive to light and sound. She likes her air filtered, minus the colognes and perfumes of people who don’t reside here. She can smell your body’s natural musk and resents its lingering presence after you leave. She prefers to be naked and would rather not have to dress as a courtesy to you who are not a permanent fixture here. She’s selfishly enjoying time alone that is new in her life.
In 2009, is it really so strange for a woman to keep it public and on an “I’ll meet you there” basis initially? Are many of us still inviting brothas over on first “dates” for home cooked meals, conversation on sofas with feet in laps receiving tired foot massages? Does anyone still pop open a bottle of wine and watch a movie with the guy whose last name you haven’t yet committed to memory? Maybe I’m old fashioned (doubt it), but my experiences have led me to proceed with caution: Love Thyself Enough to Honor Thy Safety. Again, not callin’ my man no names, but…we ain’t there yet.
Plain and simple, I love me too much to be exercising cloudy judgment so he can feel unique. That’s not to say that he isn’t indeed special. I just don’t know him well enough to know in what ways yet. And if Thursday, in public, is cool with him, maybe we can be on that path. If not, and he still feels lumped in, well, it was nice meeting him and I wish him continued success; as well as a chance encounter with a young chick who doesn’t know to demand a little more.
So…are you comin’ along or are you going to…
Watch me move.
Question: am I overreacting? Am I too far removed from the standard for how this is done these days? Am I a relic?