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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Mind yours...

A difficult lesson I’ve had to learn is that even when folks tell you their business…it really ain’t ya business.

How many times have I had a girlfriend lay their current life story in my lap like it’s Oprah’s latest book club choice, only to be mad at me later for reading it? My memory only goes back to the age of 12 with friends using me as their low budget therapist or advice hotline. For some reason, my friends who were bigger, sometimes older, and more worldly (in that their parents allowed them to do more unsupervised) than me, trusted my intuition and sought my advice on EVERYTHING. At that time in my life, a pleaser, if you made a request of me, I broke my neck to meet your needs. As I’ve grown older, I’ve noticed that people’s memories are real short and they don’t often remember giving you their gory details and wrapping it all up with the a “what should I do?” bow.

That’s blown up in my face enough times to start my own nuclear program. But, wanting to believe in people led me to making the same mistake over and over. Well, I’m over IT!!--the mistake that is. Sometimes people just need to hear what they think and feel out loud. If we’re close, than absolutely, I’ll be that ear. But after you’re done talking, I will more than likely NOT be that mouthpiece, except to find a way to let you know I respectfully refrain from offering an opinion of my own. I CAN quote yours back to you if it makes you feel more comfortable that I’m speaking too so it feels like a conversation and not a confessional. If we have established a trusting give and take relationship where your opinion has been welcome in my world and mine in yours with the understanding that we’re all entitled to what we think and feel, then this is not our issue. The masses have been cut off. I have turned the sign on the door to say Closed. I have no more hide for others to make raw due to forgetfulness or tantrums thrown off advice that didn’t match what you’d hoped to hear.

My sanity can’t take any more.

Watch me move.

1 comment:

  1. i know, man! what i hate to hear is a woman talking bad about her man. then i'd end up disliking the man and confused why the woman was staying with them. but what i realized is that they'd only tell me the bad stuff and not the good stuff. maybe folks should preface those type of conversations with "i just want to rant right now and i want you to listen...ready?"