The Internet can be a cruel and unusual abyss of half-cocked opinions and bargain basement analysis, especially when it comes to Black wom...
MAN UP: Learning Standards & Objectives for Coming Correct in 2010
This letter goes out to whoever wan’ read it
Please share it with the world cuz I won’t repeat it
Believe me I know who all need it
So for you, I wrote this letter
I woke up with an epiphany
It’s like a feeling came over me
Cuz right here is where I’m ‘posed to be
So for you, I wrote this letter
Little Brother, The Minstrel Show
So, I’m not all big with a lot of VISIBLE followers, but I’m gonna get down with the guest blog right now. Through a conversation hatched out of a Face Book status update, a friend reached out to me on the back end. The status update read:
01/01/10: the game changes. Remember courting, fellas? yeah. i'm bringing that back. you wanna hang out here, you best be prepared to "call on me" in my mama's "parlour" (figuratively speaking) & be prepared to put in work. it's time for men & women to remember their respective roles & play them shits. lets get it!!
As a young woman in a similar position with damn near every single, straight, black woman I know, she related to what I was saying and offered the following. I was supposed to clean it up, edit, etc, but I like it’s rawness. Weigh in. These ain’t just jokes, these is conversations.
After reading your Courting Proclamation of 2010 and having a hearty laugh while instant messaging you about some of the shit ninjas out here need to be schooled on, I set out to write the No Man Left Behind Act of 2010. I was all hyped up on the notion of taking ninjas to chu’ch ‘bout some proficiency standards in the new decade. After much thought and a few conversations with my most trusted allies I concluded that such an endeavor would be trite. I really ain’t got nothing new to add to that convo. It would also make me a sucka. Maybe even a trite ass sucka. Sooooooo, I checked myself and realized that if I have anything to contribute to the conversation it must be steeped in my troof so here we go.
Fuck the lists! Black chicks need to stop writing down ninja requirements. Especially these silly hoes who wanna tuck their wack ass lists in their Bibles. Look babe, Jesus ain’t checkin’ fo yo ass like that! I would hope he got mo’ important shit to get into AND his omnipotent ass don’t give a shit if you tuck your list in between yo butt cheeks cuz he gon’ do what he wants any damn way. I digress. Bottom line is that most of us are not going to ask for what we need. Relationships are about growth. Dropping out of grad school and several bouts of depression made me grow like a muthafucka but ain’t no way in hell I would have requested that shit. If you gon’ write a list, keep that shit short. Ask for what the fuck you need and keep it movin’.
Now, onto the subject of courting. While I understand any woman’s need to be honorably woo’d (honwoo), I think we need to differentiate between honwoo and dat bullshit. Paying attention to a woman and aligning your game (within reason - gotta still keep it trill) to her lifestyle and desires is honwoo. Formalities and bunch-o-dates is dat bullshit. Courting is about intention and pursuit. The reason courting was the norm for our mommas and grandmommas is because folks were real clear about what they wanted (marriage) and how to get it (show me what you workin’ wit and I’ll put in work). Unfortunately, ambiguity has become the new skinny jean - a bad idea masquerading as sophistication. If you wanna fuck, say that. If you wanna be my boo-bun, say that. If you wanna be my husband, say that. If you don’t know what you want, say nothing and stay yo ass at home before you waste time and get embarrassed. We all need to stop fakin’ on folks and stake our claim(s) to what we want with no apologies or regrets. If we need new rules for 2010, they need to be for errybody! Here it go:
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Folks should be able to take your word to the bank and not fret about whether the check is gon’ clear.
2. Listen and pay attention. Folks generally tell and show you exactly who they are in the beginning. Keep your eyes and ears peeled so you don’t miss nothing. Then, either go for it or kick rocks.
3. Trust your gut. It won’t steer you wrong. If it feels good, it is. If it feels wrong, then damnit it’s wrong.
4. Make sure you know what the fuck yo ass is bringin’ to the table. Don’t be half-steppin’ yoself but steady criticizing a ninja for not getting his/her drum major on for your ass.
5. Enjoy and learn. Shit, you/me might not even see 2010. Each experience, no matter how short-lived or long-term, contains a laugh and a lesson. Miss neither.
Love you and me,
Watch us move.