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Gabby Douglas & Simone Biles: Hop off their edges

The Internet can be a cruel and unusual abyss of half-cocked opinions and bargain basement analysis, especially when it comes to Black wom...

Thursday

Random Questions


Random Questions:

Why is it that the only time I've been married in my life is when I have to lie to some bum/loser to get him to leave me alone? My imaginary husband has been sent a great deal of respect from lesser dudes who've tried to holla.

Is there a reason parents don't buy belts for children? Baby butt crack all day long is just as bad as the adult kind. Butt crack of any kind needs to be totally kris krossed [OUT].

How many more years must we endure white panties under white pants? Ladies, pay attention to the asses in front of you. If you've ever witnessed this offense in another, it's a clue for you to avoid making this mistake.

How many of us have upgraded our phones just so we're not caught with a whack outdated one? My homie admitted that it was a business move, mostly prompted by dateable women laughing at his antiquated communication piece.

Were stirrup pants ever really a good idea? All things retro are not haute. Not everything should have a 2nd run. Lets leave this one in the past.

After Snowtorious B.I.G. came behind Snowpocalpse Now, which had the Chronicles of Narnia fast on its heels, does Mother Nature possess the power to create yet another flake anywhere in the Northern Hemisphere? And if so, can somebody please Drop Squad (who remembers this WHACK movie?) her ass until further notice?

Speaking of snow--how long before more Black Folks come through to take over winter sports? Shout out to Shani Davis!! White people, watch out, you know how we do!!

To Black Mommas: if your daughter has only been growing hair for the 5 years she's been alive, why burn it out with a relaxer? The stigma you assume she'll deal with of having nappy hair is far worse than the stigma of having a missing hairline before you had a choice in the matter. I'm sure Brandy has a support group you can join, though hers is the result of extending her baby hair.

How come no one ever says "Thank God it's Monday?" That's the day that starts yet another pay week for those of us thankful enough to be employed.

Is the grass really greener on the other side? Does someone on the other side of you actually grow real grass?

How come nobody plays slow jams at house parties anymore? I guess someone would have to be having a house party first. In 2010, look out for the Pajama Jammy Jam and I'm bringing back the Slow Drag!!

Why is it that the BEST D/P (use ya imaginations here, people) and the keeper of your heart never come together? I was instructed by a friend today to just set a match to the desirous side of me and watch that isht burn, 'cause they're not supposed to come together. I had resigned myself to that years and years ago, but I was holding out hope. Not looking to turn a Ho into a Housewife. I wanna be a Housewife turned into a Ho (for my man that is...)!

Why is it that people WITHOUT talent are far more boisterous with their weak sugar honey iced tea than people WITH talent? Shout outs to Zane, Ashanti, and Nelly for confusing the public into amassed riches. I welcome your own list of whack artists added to the mix.

Ok, I'm done. I'm sure there's more, but I'm cool.

Watch me move.

4 comments:

  1. No you KNOW you aint nevah said "Thank God it's Monday".

    ReplyDelete
  2. Since you asked the question, here are my ignant responses:
    1) I'm married for real and that 'ish don't work. Dudes see my ring as some type of challenge, like "I can still get it". WTH????
    2)Children's clothing comes with these little nifty elastic straps in them now. But the key is to actually adjust them for your child. But those are the same assholes who don't buy belts.
    3)As long as we will be subjected to baby powder on the chests of grown assed women,we will see white under white, and stocking with open toed shoes and all sorts of grave offenses.
    4)Well, why perm it when you can just hook up some extensions and give your baby girl a real complex about not just being nappy headed but bald headed to boot.
    5)Because we're ingrates.
    6)The grass on the other side is astroturf.
    7)Haven't you seen any black movie in the last 30 years? The slow jam scene never ends well. The breakfront in "Cooley High", Full Force chasing Play in "House Party 2". Folks have learned from the media.
    8)Consider me a turned out housewife. After an especially eventful night I can never look at the WWII memorial the same. Nuff said.
    9)Tyler Perry for $200, Alex

    ReplyDelete
  3. HOUSE PARTIES AND SLOW DRAGGIN COOLIE HIGH STYLE NEEDS TO MAKE A COME BACK IVE ONLY SEEN IT ON T.V SMH...... I DISAGREE WITH YOUR BOI THO GOOD D/P AND GIVING YOUR HEART TO THAT SAME PERSON CAN HAPPEN!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious...stand-up is in your future if you ever get tired of the kids!

    ReplyDelete