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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Recipe for Love?

I usually pull my ideas solely from the events & thoughts of my own life. But today I read a blog on Essence.com where a woman was talking about lists women make on the traits, etc, that we want in a man. Her girlfriend had a list of 117 things she needs/wants in a man. If you're like me, & you've ever made 1 of these lists, all my lists I've made since the age of 13 (yeah...I fell for the indoctrination early--but I've grown past it) don't add up to 117 things. The repeat traits probably keep me hovering somewhere around 10-20, which might be considered light. Anyway, I considered, now that I'm just days away from 35, what would be on my list. Today, I'm going to try to build a man.

Lots of women have it broken down to the nth degree. "I want a man who's no less than 6'2" tall." Well, so do I, but since I'm no more than 5'2" myself, the likelihood of that is slim to none. In real life, we can cut the number of times that's actually happened down to almost 1. Yeah...ONE. Some women make complexion requirements. I LOVE dark chocolate. I like em Senegalese dark, the kinda dark that makes em look shiny like new money just because they put on lotion. I'll 1-up things & say I like em tall & dark, Kevin Garnett style. If you've ever seen me out with a man...you know they've rarely been black enough to truly please my palette but it hasn't stopped me. Lots of us want college graduates. I've got to say, as a college graduate surrounded by other college graduates, I can't say this is the cream of the intellectual crop. Intelligence is beyond book smarts. I want a man who is marketable. If that required him to go to college, then so be it, but if it didn't I would like to believe I'm open minded enough to be able to work wit' a brotha all the same. I've done it in my 20's, but haven't been faced with that dilemma since hitting 30. Like I said, marketable. I don't require that you be a baller, I'm not waiting for a man to drop his ATM receipt (a la that whack movie Sprung), hoping to see oodles and oodles of O's. At the same time, I admittedly would prefer you're doing at least as well (if we can call it that...I'm a teacher after all) as I am. I'm not down for hustling backwards. Also, I live in an apartment, I can't require that you have a house. I can, however, require that you don't live at home or in your baby's mama's basement in the house y'all once shared--citing it's a convenience so you can still see your kids regularly. Yeah, and sneak up on that used-to-be yours snatch from time to time too. Nope...not havin' that. I do appreciate a man who is a committed member of his family. Family is important and seeing how you are with yours hints at how you could be with mine, at the very least ours. But if you have to meet with your [GROWN] bipolar sister every Tuesday to tell her who she can & can't date and travel out of town every other weekend to pull weeds in your mother's flower beds (even in the winter months), I'm not so sure there's a lot of time left over for me/us anyway.

After all this, I think I'll skip the Build-a-Man activity. It would be easier if it were a store at the mall where you could get him stuffed & dress him how you like, print out a certificate & check out with a box home to put him in. But it's not. The way, I assume, to build the man for you, is to maybe experience a few that aren't. I guess that means I'm close to Mr. Right. I/you can't go out there reading straight from a list, checking fools off at "hello" because he's wearing a shade of blue you just don't care for. Standards are one thing, a laundry list is another. Once I had a man ask me a series of questions before I heard the rumor he liked me. I had apparently gotten 90+ percent on my invisible Scantron test & he felt he had the go ahead to officially let me know he was interested. I wasn't, before or after the test, & respectfully let him know it. Who knows how many other women he quizzed before marrying the wrong woman, leading them both down Misery Lane?! But his list didn't work. I don't suspect yours or mine will either. I'm going to keep riding on experience. One day...I'll get it right. For now, I'm going to try to enjoy fuckin messin' some shit up along the way.

Watch me move.


  1. Your list seems reasonable, but how many shades away from your preference do you go? Would you date a white man whose penis is not a white supremacist? Or how about a black man with white skin, like Harold Ford Jr.?

    I guess a list of a few things you want/require is not bad. But what I’ve found is that the people we end up dating are not the people we had in mind. Or maybe that’s just me because I tend to get whipped and end up thinking “How did I get in this relationship?”

  2. Sounds like I could have been a pretty good canidate.....Damn!

  3. I think the list is all in how you approach it. It's not meant to be superficial things like appearance and home status (I don't think), but character traits and values. So that you begin to pay attention to who people are, and not just what you see superficially. I think you should try writing a new list more focused on character. :)