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Gabby Douglas & Simone Biles: Hop off their edges

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Thursday

Seriously? This Is What We Lobby For In Our Spare Time?


Apparently the word “retarded” is the new “nigga” or “faggot.” Conservatives (Sarah Palin) are calling for it to be removed from the English language, saying it’s derogatory and hurtful to all human beings.

In the words of my man, Ed Lover: C’mon Son!! G(et) T(he) F(uck) O(utta) H(ere) W(ith) T(hat) B(ullshit)!! I’ve found PLENTY of good uses for the word "retarded" over the years that had absolutely NOTHING to do with actually speaking of a person who would actually be medically or psychologically considered such.

For example:

1. The amount of snow DC could get this weekend is RETARDED!! 24 inches?? This ain’t the Swiss Alps. Where they do that at?? Better still, how many adult backs can really take shoveling that much snow? As I’ve stated before, if it ain’t no skis involved, you can keep ya snow.

2. This woman at work is pressin’ my nerves, BAD! She keeps speaking on my behalf in conversations that involve more responsibility, ensuring that I’m the one that gets it. Her schedule is busy, don’t get me wrong, but never would I volunteer another person’s information in a meeting, ESPECIALLY when I’m present. Who the fluck are you, Lady, to be offering so much as my choice of sandwich for lunch in a conversation? You don’t know me like that. My ability to be tactful in professional conversations is dwindling faster than support from FEMA in New Orleans. So…I’ve resorted to being quiet ‘cuz it’s hard to get an intelligent rebuttal out through seething steam. But if she don’t watch out, I’ma get RETARDED on her ass. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Employment is my friend. We hang out daily and we like it that way.

3. As you are well aware by now, I just came back from New Orleans. Prior to leaving, though, I had several conversations with friends I intended to see down there about the level of straight ignorance expected. The closer I got to heading South, the more I knew my intentions were to act RETARDED while down there. I was gon’ drink as much and eat as much as I possibly could, ack a ass and let it all hang out. The [days from] 35 year old self kicked in and regulated my activities so that I didn’t return home as the new star of a sex tape co-starring every crush I had in my late teens. Although…in hindsight…sex tapes are the new audition and guaranteed to grab ya 15 minutes of fame. I’m cool though. I appreciate Miss Mother Sister, my mother figure Avatar (shout out to Zay & Spike Lee of course) for swooping in and saving me from my younger Avatar, I Love You Deja (pronounced in Raphael Saadiq’s singing voice from Ask of You), the Pussy Poppin champion of 1993. It’s a dance y’all, don’t look at me like that.

Anywho…I think I’ve given enough examples of how the word RETARDED can be used that don’t have anything to do with the mentally handicap. Wait, I think handicap is off limits too. I meant the mentally…deficient?? Hell, is there a way to nicely say you ain’t working with all you should be? Inadequate, defective, insufficient…if you speak and understand the English language, you know off the break that something is WRONG. And that’s the damn point. You know what? This conversation being held at all is RETARDED. Tell ‘em I said so.

Watch me move.

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