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The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Shoe Personality of the Week: 04/05/10


Last week really tried me like I haven’t been tried in a minute. I shed a few tears, yelled out a few angry words, wore the look of disbelief, and said C’mon Son several times. I wanted to break some shit-had to stop myself from doing that-and catch a fire—but in somebody’s ass. Yeah, the grace of a lady left out the backdoor, faster than your lover when your husband comes in the front. For a second. It was that kind of week. I sulked, I pouted, I wrote some nasty words (& still kept it fairly clean, if you really know my mouth) but I still managed to get out and enjoy myself in all this Spring Time that’s springin’ about. Never once did I look like I’d been overhauled by grief. Maybe that’s my problem. I’ve taken “never let ‘em see you sweat” a lil’ too seriously. That means no one ever comes to my rescue when I’m going through some shit cuz, well, they can’t tell. I went public with my pain and most tiptoed around me like I had the plague or was walking past them on the Green Mile. They waved apologetically and looked at me with prayer in their eyes-please, Lawd, don’t let her spill over right’cheah. Ever the pleaser, I kept it classy, smiled in the sunshine and got my tools for getting this escalator crankin’ to roll me out of this space. So far so good. And a quick shout out to those of you who weren’t scurred to ask me ‘bout myself this week.

Anywho…a friend and I speak often of our Avatars and take great pleasure in naming them. It’s SOMUCHFUN!! This name ain’t original, but I’m going to use it anyway for the woman I’ve been most of this week and the personality of the shoe that’s gon’ carry me into the next: Grace Under Fire. Somehow, with a flame licking at my soles, I manage to keep a straight face and show no one what’s really going on behind all this cool. This is not deliberate, it’s learned behavior, and it runs on autopilot. I rarely ever go into a situation plotting directions to the Higher Road on my GPS, but I manage to get there anyway. It’s all this compassion that drips from me like maple syrup, all thick and gooey and ready to mess up a perfectly good melt down.

Well, I’m preparing to go back to work. A place that leaves me with no feelings of security but somehow makes me more comfortable because of it. Going to work is like being broke—you know exactly what your limitations are and you manage them, well. At least I do. While people keep waiting for signs of distress, I keep managing to laugh. The shit really is comical. Aside from work, I gotta crawl up outta this crater. So far so good. I threw myself a ladder and I’m working on taking it one step at a time. Today, I even skipped a few rungs, but I know better than to get too far ahead of myself. I got personal celebrations I need to be having, I got work to do to ensure the work I want to do in the future gets done, and I have new inspiration for continuing to pursue my passions.

So, when the flames start licking at my soul soles, they’ll be met with the spirit of this particular Red Bottom to kiss. It’s playful, it’s fun, it’s oh so serious, it’s sexy, it’s flirty, it’s all about business, it’ll give you the business, and it has to be held down not 1 but 4 times (go ‘head, count the straps). This shoe will hot step down your urban streets, glide across a red carpet, and wave in the air legs akimbo again. This shoe will get it done in the boardroom and make the sisters on the usher board raise one up to Jesus for your wretched, harlot soul. It will earn your fan club and your haters alike, as both wonder how it got to be so easy to be you and search for the order form for a Members Only jacket in your honor. Let me tell you, it ain’t easy EVER, but it ain’t got to look hard. I may have been knocked down, but Donnie McClurkin (sp) assured us all we can get back up. As much as I despise that song, I gotta agree with him. Let no man put me asunder. Unless he’s doin his thang, and my feet are waving in the air in these shoes. But that’s a different post altogether. Lawd…raise him up, Jesus!!

Watch me move [snakeskin sancitified]!

*dowan & shai girl...i see ya palms itchin BAD*


  1. OH LAWD...You done did it now. I have been rendered speechless.

  2. That last paragraph was some kind of somethin. Whatever's in your glass, I'll take a double.