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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Life Goes On

Today I was beautifully reminded that I’ve been off my “G.” That, on top of the “Good morning, Beautiful!” received from an old friend this morning, helped to make my day. The posts have not flowed this week for a few reasons. The 1st is that I was being textually harassed & blog stalked. I had to pause & gain some perspective & decide how to proceed. I'm hoping that situation is behind me. Then, with summer coming to an end, I was DETERMINED to have SOME FUN despite the tired that is upon me since the start of school. I was traipsing up & down I-95 & going to all day concerts like a 20-something. I haven’t been any more tired than I already was, so I guess it was a success even outside of the fun I had. Lets not forget the fact that I’m struggling to get back into my old routine for cooking & planning in the evenings. I’m still trying to figure out where the exercise portion of my plan comes in, making sure fun doesn’t get cut out & making sure I’m getting adequate rest. I’m not all the way there but I’m getting there & forgiving myself for those things that are taking me more time than I planned to fall into place.

Boring, I know.

The other reason I’ve been absent is because I’m in a state of shock.
I was driving up 95N headed to hang out with the Bestie & attend a surprise party for a friend. I was so excited because the Bestie had good things to share & I couldn’t wait to hear them. Plus, just being around him lifts my spirits, & they weren’t even low. As I’m driving I get a text from a friend from college. The text read something crazy about another of our friends, Toishia, having passed away. None of this made any sense to me because she’d just engaged me in an FB convo. She was living in South Africa with her husband & FB was how she kept in touch with all of us gals from Dillard. Somehow, this vibrant woman, my age, drew her last breath on Thursday. It’s not something I can comprehend. The text gave me an instant headache that rode with me all the way to Philly.

All day the girls posted wonderful messages to & about Toishia & the debate began on how we can memorialize her. Most of us haven’t seen each other since the 90’s & believe part of what Toishia’s work has been is to bring us all together. We were trying to arrange a trip to South Africa in December but new babies, low cash flow, prior engagements all got in the way. Now none of that seems important as we try to figure out how to all be present for her U.S. funeral. If not that, we’re trying to arrange a time where we can all descend upon some city & shower each other with love, support, & admiration for the dynamic women we’ve all become.

That news came Saturday. Sunday I was busy ROCKin THE BELLS. I’ve wanted nothing more than to chronicle that experience, like last year, but it just didn’t feel right because I still hadn’t said a word about Toishia. You don’t know her, & this may not mean anything directly in your world, but in case you’d forgotten, the young die. *cliche advice coming next* While it’s still possible, get together with the people you haven’t seen, but still love, hug them tight & plant kisses on their faces. Make sure you hug your babies even when they’ve made you angry. It’s just a moment & it too shall pass. I’ve just committed to planning lessons at cafes with my teacher friends. I’m about to institute a brunch for another set of girlfriends so we can get together monthly. It’s time to renew my tea dates with another sister friend. I need to make it to L.A. to visit the #1 Jersey before I forget what he looks like. I need to skip & play & talk & laugh with more of you. To others of you I offer forgiveness, having sloughed off the pain of your actions against me. I’m not there with everyone, but I just recently realized I’m lighter & I intend to keep shedding emotional pounds so that it doesn’t become an intravenous toxic soup that takes me out of here sooner than I’m ready to go. Dis-ease causes disease.

Take care of yourselves, spread love thick, & always look for the shine in every moment. It exists, trust me.

ROCK THE BELLS run down tomorrow. Shoes return next week. The headache’s been replaced by heart ache, but I’m getting back to myself.

Watch me move.

This reminds me of something Toishia would say...


  1. Aw, I'm sorry that you lost your friend. It's been a sad few weeks.

  2. My condolences are late in coming, I know, but I'm so sorry you lost your friend. Knowing the kind of friend that you are, I'm sure she knew exactly how much she meant to you while she was here in her physical form. Don't forget that she's still with you and all that loved and cared for her - her spirit, like those of all of our ancestors - will always carry on.