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The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Contradictory Data: They don't really care 'bout your heels

All the women’s mags these days (at least 3 years worth) have been suggesting that women release their comfy/casual tendencies and dress EVERY TIME they leave the house. Going to the grocery store? Put on your good jeans, a structured jacket to accentuate your waist, & a nice shoe—preferably with a heel. Are you a single mom with a child in sports? The coach might be watching. Spending the afternoon at the bookstore? Look as fetching as possible to attract those men who read.

My own choices haven’t gone as far as the “experts” suggestions, but I made a few changes simply because I enjoy feeling beautiful. I don’t know 1 woman who doesn’t feel top notch when all her pieces play well together, leaving her without question that she’s doin’ the damn thang. For me, that really could still involve sneakers, but done in such a way that I don’t necessarily feel I’m blending in with the teenagers at the bus stop. I’m gon’ always look young so there’s no point in me purposely trying to dress old. It’s just not going to work. So, I stay true to myself. There are still times, however, when a day of errands simply can’t be done in anything that isn’t simply classified as a shoe with a “sole.” Start adding leverage to my shoes & the time I can spend in them gets decreased exponentially. I’m not the 1 for pretending my way through screaming feet. & there’s nothing less attractive than a woman tippin’ in shoes that are burnin’ her dogs up.

Yesterday was such a day. I had a lot to do in a little time & couldn’t worry about how I’d rate on a catwalk. I needed comfort & flexibility. I put on a tee & some yoga pants, donned the Adidas slides a-freakin-gain! I’m so sick of these stupid shoes I don’t know what to do! I can’t wait to be able to wear real shoes again! and headed for the car. I got to my 1st destination to get groceries. I was followed around by 3 whispering workers, who didn’t recognize me from my other times in the store, trying to decide who was going to approach me. Yes…these men are grown. Sigh… I left there & caught the fathers out with just their children, no wives or partners in tow, whispering compliments over their children’s heads. I made 3 more stops & practically had men following me like I was the Pied Piper.

What I discovered is that when I’m dressed in yoga pants I’m more approachable. When I’m out lookin’ all Average Josephine, I’m just a regular woman out doing the regular things that regular women do. I had forgotten the trend in my younger years where more boys tried to holla at me when I was in sweats than when I had on typical day-to-day clothing. So, when I’m dressed cute, feeling good about me in all my fabulosity, men’s special wiring is causing them to miss the point & perhaps feel intimidated. When I’m dressed “to the 9’s” (Ma…where is the 9’s anyway? Where’d that even come from?) I’m talking to men. When I look like I might’ve just finished pulling weeds or taking out the trash, men fall over themselves to get to me.

& men say we’re confusing…

I reaped an abundance of blessings yesterday from most of the gentlemen who approached. They were all “please & thank you” & “excuse me miss” with it. They were all “no disrespect” & “I hope you don’t mind me saying…” They even introduced themselves first before asking me my name & NOBODY called me a bitch when I respectfully declined exchanging math.

Perhaps I need to save this cute business for when I’m in the house; take it old skewl & just play dress up after work. In truth, though, there’s no need for me to switch it up. I’m not seeking to be sought so I can keep dressing *in my commercial voice* “just for meeeeee.” The next time I find myself interested in the chase, I’ll make sure to show up in sweats & track shoes. Let the runners take their mark.

Watch me move.


  1. It's true. I've noticed the same thing. And I do think it's about looking approachable to a man who might feel intimidated.

  2. Hey Girl Hey,

    LOL, I know what you mean. When I throw it on, for myself of course, I can count the number of gents trying to get my number on one hand. But if I look like who shot john compliments and numbers are flying my way all day long. It's weird but I guess men assume you're high maintenance if you look pulled together, IDK. In my mind it seems contradictory but clearly men and women think differently. Of course this doesn't stop me from killing the game. I dress for myself and when I look nice I feel better so shame on those backward thinking men.

  3. So true, Tasha. Which, again, is why I WON'T be switching my style up. I don't think...know I'm not...interested in a man who is intimidated by me at my outward best. That means you CERTAINLY CAN'T handle what's goin on inside.

    & Sista Chaos (LOL), keep killing the game. I simply love that you even described yourself that way. Though...apparently it guarantees we'll be lonely. HA! I ain't even doin it how I want to officially. I guess NOBODY would EVER talk to me then.

  4. I Love the sweat pants and tee shirt look, but when it time to get star studded I like to know my mate gone come widit! The nex time ur intrested in the chase hopefully some one will catch you we both know you run fast.

    1. Cracking up at this 2010 comment. #TrackStar

  5. OH SOOOOOOOO true...thank GOD I love the rush of a smokin hot stiletto because if not; Nike would be my nickname and wrapped in cotton would be a constant!