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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...


Shoe Personality of the Week: 11/29/2010

I have been taking healing 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time, toward that closure business I mentioned some time back. For me, this time around, closure simply means time. I forced the time necessary to separate from the very normal interactions I was used to with The X. I thought I was strong enough to be around him while getting beyond the end of our union; the death of a dream. Turns out I've been strong enough to do many things I didn't think I could, but that wasn't 1 of them.

As my left big toe continues to look like the Cyclops (1-eyed monster for those not up on your Greek Mythology), I feel no more pain related to Our demise. I understand the concept of "for the best" better than I ever thought I would or needed to. Happiness sometimes takes the scenic route & we usually go begrudgingly. I have been asking "are we there yet?" for the last 3 years. While I don't hardly claim to have arrived at my destination, I can see it on the horizon, making it easier to keep my eye on the prize.

Perseverance. That's the personality trait I'm rocking this week. In a comfortable shoe that can go the distance. 1995 was a good shoe year. Nike did its thing with these Air Max. It wouldn't be a stretch to catch me in these at all as I walk steadfastly toward the day when my heart is too occupied by new love to recall the old.

In real time, I saw The X yesterday & survived the experience with the remaining 9 toes in tact & no signs of an anxiety headache. This spilled forth after:

Time Heals...

I saw you today.
We stood the respectful distance of those who were once in love;
& still care.
Pleasantries were exchanged
& no butterflies fluttered by out of my stomach.
I was...
cool (not by forced chill)
able to take it or leave it but
glad to be able to take it,
without sweat or tremors,
flashbacks or loose ends to trip me.
It was safe & I was secure &
people who once knew us as Us watched from the periphery,
Looking for the steam of history
or the starlight of tomorrow.
All it was...the now,
the fight to get here ...
where caring turned curt turned cordial and will eventually return
to caring,
under a new name.
But it's not time.
One day, but not yet
we'll be able to call
each other friend

It'll all be alright soon.

Watch me move.

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