From time to time I like to kick my feet up over at Naked With Socks On. On one such occasion I ran across this & was hit off with some food for thought.
The gist of it is, IMO, that when you reach a certain age the approach to relationships changes. And it should. In our youth, the things that attract us to a companion are somewhat nomadic—subject to move at any time. LL Cool J's song Big Ole Butt is an example of how fleeting our desires are in our youth. A relationship could be sparked based on a beautiful smile, a big ole butt, or the way a certain someone says the word “basketball”
Even as a woman who is not out here chasing diamonds & platinum, looking for forever in every Raheem, Tyrone, & Malik out there, my approach to dating has matured with me. I had boyfriends when I was in high school & college. The things we did together were focused on fun, with a little support built in but not required. If you had it to give... Now, when a man crosses my path, there has to be an attraction deeper than girlfriend & boyfriend. I'm too
As I said before, I'm not chasing rings. The term life partner seems to have been commandeered by the gay community, but it's the concept I most identify with. I'm not so worried about if I have a wedding to be remembered by friends & family. I'm not so worried about being able to call myself Mrs. So & So. Ultimately, I just want to be with someone who fits the above criteria (& a few other things I've deliberately left out) & is ready to walk this cobblestone with me. I'm looking for that man who recognizes the value in interdependence & can remind me of it. I know the fairy tale is just that & everyday ain't gon' be good. There's nothing more beautiful to me than the idea of walking with that 1 person for so long that you create your own rhythm & language. “I love you” gets said in myriad ways that almost make the words obsolete. I want to be able to be out here making mistakes with someone who won't run at the first sign of ebb when he's used to things being all about the flow. Beneath the sand is often water. Can He be thirsty with me for a little bit?
It may seem contradictory for me not to be a relationship-driven woman but to be focused in knowing what I want out of 1. If I see it, I'm going for it. If not...I'm OK as I am. Settling is a dirty word to me. While I'm not deluded, looking for perfection, I deserve to approach relationships, searching for the Greatest Common Denominator Dude. Like I said--35. Too
Boyfriends need not apply.
Watch me move.