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21 more things = 42

The last post was the 21 things I KNOW at 42. At the end I said I'd consider writing 21 more things to make it 42 in total & then ...

Tuesday

Blah...blah...blahhhhhhhhhhhhs


Often on some of my fav blogs I'll ride through & catch the tumble weeds of posts from weeks or months prior rolling by.

From time to time I'll even catch a "My bad, I ain't feelin' it y'all" in the RSS feed. It's always followed by a promise to make it happen in the very near future as soon as the mojo clocks back in. I hate when those pop up because I feel like "HELLO, you help make my day, get on your job!!" I really do understand though. Writing is a responsibility & the assumption is that anyone who does it always has something to say. Not true. It's part of my fear around being a writer beyond the confines of creative personal choice.

Consistency has been my goal since I started this--2 years ago in July--& I pride myself on being mostly successful with that. Here we are, 8 days deep into February & my nemesis has crept up & reared her ugly head. My mojo didn't go on vacation; S.A.D.s came & sucker punched it. For those who don't know, S.A.D.s stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. All the things I said I was going to do to maintain my sanity in general have been pushed aside by this form of depression & made it next to impossible to attend to. Trainer? Don't remember the last time we met. Dance class? Uhmmmm...no. Friends? Less & less.

Thus far, I've been able to find things to write about. You probably couldn't tell anything was wrong. Now, at this very moment, I can't think of 1 thing to share outside of this. Why? I don't want to discuss the tears & the way I've retreated into my cave to hibernate through the rest of the Winter. I'm disinterested in discussing my lack of interest. Instead, I'm going to do the typical blogger thing & apologize in advance if & when you come through & catch a whole lot of wind blowing & crickets chirping. I will try to avoid it but I make no promises. A person can only do what she can do & my cape has to be hung out to dry for the next day. Trying to save the world gets the cape a little sweaty. What I have to do is all I can guarantee will get done. The rest...might be hit or miss. I'll try to keep the empties from showing up or sticking around too long.

See y'all 'round the Blogosphere.

Watch me move.

4 comments:

  1. Me too. One day I was in a good mood and that let me know how little control I have over this stuff. Then there's divorce and death too....

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  2. the funny (or not so funny) thing about is that i can smile. the smile is deluding, making you feel like you're OK. & then something completely normal happens & blows your calm & you're angry or in tears. i can also laugh. but it's within comfort zones that i have a hard time separating myself from. i'm VERY happy on my couch. i'm VERY happy in my bed. i'm VERY happy in my car on my way to & from work. sometimes i'm happy in my classroom. that's it. limited right? my world feels incredibly small right now.

    i can't trump divorce & death but i've got testing & restructuring.

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  3. I can NOT count on Black Entertainment Television to lighten the load or make me feel that I am not alone, sooooooo I count on you! You and your writing are an intricate part of my week. Keep yourself lifted...I am sure us supporters can last a short while without your comedic bursts, genuine expressions and soothing concerns but remember that the wine bottle goes empty after awhile, Najee ceases to be soothing and fantasies of blue skies, water and white sand while surrounded by soiled snow becomes depressing...we will NEED you back!

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  4. thanks, trynita.

    i'm extremely flattered by your compliments. i know no one has to come through here, but the fact that anyone does, especially those who are not people who i know personally, makes this experience that much more meaningful. i am deeply humbled by the specific presence of 1, let alone 50 willing to be non-lurking followers. i honestly don't know how to feel when i'm able to count the eyes that are on me that go beyond the "followers." out of respect for this phenomenon in my life, a willing reading audience, i'll try not to disappear for long stretches should a disappearing act be warranted.

    thank you for reading.

    ReplyDelete