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Thursday

Delirious Prattle

i am deliriously tired. i've had occasions to lay down & get something technically considered sleep but...it hasn't done a lot to bring my tired-o-meter down. when i get this tired, i get silly. this is a don't shoot the messenger moment. i am not responsible for any of the imagery i'm about to share with you. it just so happens that all week i've been pondering ridiculous isht & this ridiculous isht fell right into my virtual lap.

#1: you need more people


This is in no way meant to be disrespectful to the Queen of Soul. I R-E-S-P-E-C-T her like everyone else. It's her team that I have beef with. Yes, we know Mama Franklin is sick. We also know that she's stylistically challenged. Put those things together & you have need for a team. We all know someone is eating off of her plate with her but perhaps the pay isn't as good as we might think, because someone doesn't love Aretha. I'm not worried about the wig, they usually go wrong. I'm not worried about her sagging skin. She's old & has clearly lost a great deal of weight. I am, however, concerned about her make-up. Why in the rabid raccoon hell was Aretha allowed to wield an eyeliner pencil OR mascara? Somebody, anybody, please make this stop. Please & thank you.

While we're on bad make-up, lets get into
#2: no ma'am!!


I once read or heard that Lil Kim was trying to become an Asian mermaid. Because it is easy to alter your ethnicity & species to even become a mythical/mystical creature, I can't imagine HOW Kim is failing at this. Sigh...While her original goal has eluded her, she has successfully morphed into Trailer Trash Barbie, sold at WalMarts, General Stores & Waffle House parking lots. & to top it all off, to show you just how accessible this doll is versus say...Janet Jackson's, she comes with an IKEA lamp and Value City Furniture.

#3: ri-damn-diculous


Dear Rihanna,
Gitcho mind right, Lil Sis. I love red so much I stole my motto from a shoe store that I love: Wild Women Wear Red. But uhhhmmmm....er....uh....insane women should seek help. How can you enjoy being dominated, admittedly like "it" rough, but then cry foul when a man actually goes upside your head? I am in NO WAY condoning C. Breezy's behavior, but you, Sweetie, need some counseling. There's no need in me speaking on the picture itself, for it is only a representation of the madness that is boiling over in your mind right now. I really hope that you take a moment off of your low-selling tour & release your demons before they get a'holt to your hair (& your life) once again.

Moving right along...
#4: 30 Rock almost B (cup, that is)


The weather has gotten warmer, signs of Spring are here. When Spring transitions to Sprummer, that in between season, something happens. Basketball courts get full & suddenly people with penises become allergic to shirts. We ain't there yet & Hustle Man Tracy Morgan's already violating. Men want women to remember to get their feet right before we start wearing sandals or exposing our heels in mules. I'm witchu. But, Sirs, please do know that it is NOT comforting for a woman to have compare her breasts to yours. I'm also uncomfortable with how low his everything is hanging & yet his back continues. A man givin' up T&A of ANY kind is an #EPICFAIL! E P I C.! If that's what it's come to, keep that covered. We don't like it, we don't support it & we don't believe in you. We hit the gym in time for swimsuit season. Is it too much to ask that you get your pecks in order before you start disrobing? & if you can't, can you please keep them shrouded in structured cotton? Sincerely, My eyes.

Lastly...
Have you ever witnessed the magic that is Diana Ross on stage? I don't love her music nor do I care for her stage show. The old sista works though, & has far longer than I've been alive. Perhaps I've never been able to focus on her music because I was mesmerized by that living hair hat she wears constantly bein in motion. Her stage show is windier than the The Chi. But here


Ms. Ross is simply buying food like the rest of us mortals. While I did take notice of the fact that her food is in plastic bags instead of the trendy but useful recycled bags, it's the fact that even when grocery shopping, the hair is being wind-whipped in full stage fabulousness. Does Dur-tee Dye-An-na noooo... have a wind machine IN her hair? & where can some of these young girls in the game get an appointment to step their weave game up so we can do away with these drawn on hairlines & babydoll plugs? While you're at it, Ms. Ross, put in a call to your old friend, Aretha. She needs to borrow your people.

snack. nap. dance. sleep.
sanity returns.

Watch me move.

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