The Internet can be a cruel and unusual abyss of half-cocked opinions and bargain basement analysis, especially when it comes to Black wom...
As The Doorknob Turns
Story. Once upon a time I was in this relationship with The X. We cohabitated & participated in some shared custody situations & doing the things that grown folks in relationships do—including mess shit up. Things were beautifully difficult but I think I’m invincible so I knew we’d see our way through. We holla’d at some elders about our issues, per the advice of…perhaps my concerned mother. The elders both said that if they were us they wouldn’t live together 1st. Now, I don’t know bout you, but 2 years into living together, you telling me we shouldn’t have is moot cuz we ALREADY DID!! How bout you adjust your advice to fit the situation, Old Head?!!? Didn’t happen. & you know what, The X, looking for an out, bit at the bait. Next thing I know he’s talmbout separating for the sake of coming back together. Mmmm hhhmmm…you’re looking at me the same way I looked at him. Needless to say, we have different addresses & different agendas. & since I can only speak for 1 of us in this story, 1 of our agendas ain’t got nary’a nothing to do with coming back together.
You know how sometimes you can be doing something with someone & then you discover that you’re not really because someone needs space? WTH is space?!? Whenever I’m confucious ‘bout a word, I dial up my man Webster & see what he’s talmbout. According to that dude, space is a continuous area or expanse that is free, available, or unoccupied.
& herein lies the problem. When you’re talking about a relationship there IS NO unoccupied expanse. When there is, you’ve moved past space to “uhmmm, we might don’t make it.” But that’s a whole other conversation. Or maybe it is THE conversation. Yo no se. But if 2 people are actually about the business of working through something, from within the concept of space, that mess is designed for failure from the door because conceptually, it doesn’t make sense.
If you can’t take 4 steps without passing something that reminds you of that person & gives you pause, there’s no space in your space for space. You like that, huh? If you can’t fall asleep without wondering what that person is doing or wishing they were next to you or prayin’ on the next time you’ll see them, you don’t have space in your mind for space. If every song you hear, on whatever provides your musical pleasure, reminds you of that person, there’s no space in your heart for space. If you can’t bring yourself to share that good good with another person because every inch of you inside & out feels like it belongs to that person, you ain’t be got no space in your body for space. Are we clear?
So, boys & girls, what we’ve learned today is that space, much like the concept of closure is bogey. & in golf that means ZERO. In English, zero means nothing. & nothing means you ain’t got none. Relationship, that is. So, instead of asking for space, perhaps what folks should be asking for is the door. & when it’s closed behind them, wa-lah, closure. But be sure you mean it cuz most human doors ain't revolving.
Watch me move.