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Lil Wayne Holds The Key To Better Relationships

Lil Wayne debuted his video for How To Love last week. Many people, sites, music enthusiasts, and video critics have run down the genius of this video juxtaposed against a song most of us would choose to listen to AFTER the sound of kittens being murdered. A friend posted on Facebook the other day the depth of the words, but I couldn’t relate because I was completely unable to get past Tunechi’s (WTF is a Tunechi?) voice or the tired “instrumentation.” It was the video that made me listen to the song. It was a favorite blog site that made me watch the video. & it was B.B. that made me not click the red X in the top right corner of that tab, once I realized I was about to have to watch a Lil Wayne video, because he’d mentioned the video had nothing to do with the song. His opinion seemed not to match the blog’s, based on the title, so I was forced to read. And watch, by default.

So, I watched. And the video actually made perfect sense for what I tried to hear Wayne singing saying. In case you haven’t seen it or you’re choosing not to watch it—though I’ve provided it for you—the video is basically about what happens to WOMEN when Life kicks us in the ass repeatedly. When ya daddy ain’t shit & treats ya mama like she’s the only 1 who doesn’t know that secret, then you’re destined to live a loveless Life. When ya mama treats you as the bi-product of a shitty relationship with a dude who ain’t shit, well, the odds are that you’re life is going to be brown-streaked. Coming from those circumstances you’re destined to have a string of unhealthy relationships, mimicking the empty existence of your mother & of course you too will bear nothing but girls out of these jacked up dick down sessions…cuz of course you’re not privy to true intimacy. & then what happens, Boys & Girls? The cycle starts again.

The fact that I brought this up clearly means I got a problem with this, that I’m in disagreement here. What the pro’lem is? Well….why come it’s assumed that she doesn’t know how to love? Love is defined in no less than 3 ways, depending on your dictionary source, & each of those ways has some subtext. A couple standard definitions are an intense feeling of deep affection; and a great interest and pleasure in something. Now, I know the definitions are oversimplified based on what you & I have felt for family, friends & members of the opposite sex (or same, depending on what team you play for). That ain’t the point. The point is that loving is something we ALL are able to do, even in instances where the recipients are undeserving--barring those people who qualify as sociopaths. It seems to me that the issue isn’t How To Love or whether or not we’re out choosing to love people who are both deserving & capable of reciprocating. Keeping on a heterosexual track because it’s what I know & understand the video is about male/female relationships, I gotta pose the following question: shouldn’t we be wondering why we give unto the wrong muthaf&#kas?

Now that I’ve asked that question, I think the question is bigger than that. The real question is why is it always the burden of a woman to figure out how to overcome the thoroughly effed up treatment she’s received at the hands of men who don’t hold their own weight? Why is it MY fault that you run game or go upside women’s heads? Why is it MY issue that you lied to me, misrepresented yourself as SOMEBODY & then showed all the signs of being a NOBODY after we was in the thick of things? Why is it MY fault that you told me you wanted to be here but spend every second trying to draw chalk doors on my shit for escape routes like Pan’s Labyrinth? Why is it MY fault that you told me you loved me, start talkin' family, knock me up & neglect to tell me you're practicing the same script on some next chick? These “MY’s” I’m throwing around are not mine personally, but representative of some of the collective feces of bulls that some of us are out here experiencing. I’m gon’ try to keep this from being a male bashing session because I LOVE MEN & despite having had 1 or 2 run-ins with my heart & some undeserving S.O.B. (my honest feelings ‘bout dude's mama), I haven’t ever taken that out on the men who follow. I’ve taken a break. I’ve taken a breath. I’ve even taken a seat. But I’ve never taken 1 man’s failure to recognize this treasure as the next man’s assumed inability to see my shine & keep me properly buffed. Still, I DO believe that women tend to carry the onus in love, trying to stand up under the weight of feeling like we’ve failed Him & self. Funny how we think that way; always willing to give another chance, turn another cheek or replace another tooth—such as it is.

Before I let this get away from me, because the whole subject pisses me off, I just have to say to you, since Lil Wayne ain’t hardly studyin’ my opinion, that he too is off & misguided making the concept of love a woman’s responsibility. He’s telling us via imagery, Ladies, that it’s our fault & we should hurry up & learn how to do this complex thing so we can save our own lives out here. As the father to damn near every baby born between 2008 & present day, I wonder what was wrong with those women that didn’t keep Wayne still? ((in my June Cleaver voice)) Is it the restless spirit of an artist? Or perhaps his damaged ass—cuz we all are in some way or another—doesn’t know how to love either. & many of you penis-slangin’ people don’t know yourselves. So, get a bunch of folks in a room suffering from the same deficiency—which, by the way, isn’t HOW to love--& you will surely continue to garner the same effed up results. The only difference is the scope is far wider than just that chick & her lineage in that video. It’s E’RYBODY!! If your life, male or female, in any way resembles the wreck & the wreckage from that video, maybe you need to do like I’ve done & take a break, a breath, or a seat & gitchoshittogether!!! This ain’t bout that Circle of Life.

Watch me move.

Post Script-I apologize to anyone who was looking for a dedication to Michael Jackson's birthday or a recap of the VMA's. I also managed not to memorialize the 10 yr anniversary of Aaliyah's death. Y'all know how I feel about bandwagoning--there's gotta be a good reason or I'm not touching it. 'Nuf other sites did. Holla at them.


  1. Hola Aweez,

    I'm torn about this one. My first thought, Lil Wayne oversimplifies...but it is a lot for his brain to capture so I can't ask for too much. In my mind I don't think he meant how to love as much as he meant that being surrounded by shitty circumstances as a child can shape the decisions you make as an adult. Those words don't sound as great in a auto tuned song tho so I guess he took the easy route and said how to love. Although the song is beyond craptacular. Seriously the song really does suck huge donkey balls.

    On the other hand tho I don't think he's entirely wrong. I mean we know that parents and the way we're raised impacts a lot of the decisions we make later in life, repeating cycles and hashish. Yes he oversimplified but you can't get everything into a five minute video.

    And I totally hear what you're saying about placing the ownership of all things romantical on women. We carry the burden far too often but a lot of times we also excuse/ignore poor male behavior and wonder why bad things happen to us. I'm not saying in those instances when women are flat out bamboozled...but honestly I think those are the exceptions not the rules. Most times there are signs and for whatever reasons women ignore and then complain when shitty things happen that were clearly forecasted. At some point both men and women have to take responsibility for the choices they make. Especially when children are involved, what kids see and hear and are exposed to have downstream impact.

    In terms of the video I think this could have been shot either way, male or female. If he chose to shoot it from the male perspective it would have been more powerful. At the end of the day the song still sucks arse but the video isn't that bad and it did make me think about some things.

  2. hey, girl, hey.

    don't get me wrong, i am in no way excusing some of the poor decision making skills we're out here exercising. but even that comes out of something, it's as a result of ________. & that's why i included some of what i did because often times folks are out here misrepresenting themselves, women included.

    if not for this constant push toward finding a man by whatever the spinster cut off is, & the hype around black women not being able to find husbands/partners in current media, women are behaving more & more irrationally when it comes to allowing BS into their lives. that aside, i'm not so much worried about the fact that both parties need to do some work, but that we STOP pointing fingers of negativity at women alone. WHY must we continue to bear the the weight of EVERYBODY's relationship mistakes? YES, we must learn from them. YES, we must commit to not repeating the same mistakes over & over. YES, we must take a close look at our cycles & work toward breaking them. YES, we must hold men accountable for what they do. but men need the same homework. that's all i'm saying.

    i'm, by no means, expecting lil wayne to get it right in 4 minutes worth of a song or 4 minutes worth of a video. but it's easy for him to go the route he went because it's acceptable to place blame in women's laps alone.