Ed Lover Got the Rights To This But...

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Ed Lover's C'mon Son series. I've got the voice down and everything, and that phrase has found its way deep into my speech when I'm talking to friends. The phrase is so very appropriate at many times of the day. Matta'fack (rollin), C'mon Son is a good substitute for the word "retarded" since Madame Palin has declared it absolutely canNOT be used anymore. Try it with me for a moment, if you will.

You and your boy are supposed to hit the club. You are male. You are 40. Your boy comes out to the car wearing skinny jeans and a doo rag. At this point you would give him the side-eye and hit with "C'mon Son!" If he's ya man fiddy grand and he knows you care, you add the rest of the phrase: "get the fuck outta here with that bullshit!" Now he KNOWS for sure that his fashion decision for the night was a RETARDED one for his age (any if you ask me, but you didn't) and should quickly pivot in the direction of his door and change into a more developmentally appropriate fit for the night.

Ok, so we've practiced and now it's time to get to it. I try to keep MY BLOG about ME and MY LIFE, my growth, development, issues, concerns, etc. Every now and then, something happening in the world becomes a concern for me and I find myself having a harder time being quiet than Mo'nique. So...this morning I'm watching the Today Show and hear the tragic news that an animal trainer has been killed by...wait for it...an animal. Chewing didn't stutter in the least, until the moment where I was brought near choking. It turns out that a KILLER whale KILLED it's trainer. Hhhhmmm... It would seem to me that the animal's name is foreshadowing what's in its future, if not its past. Maybe those who thought it a good idea to capture and hold such an animal also thought if they just gave it a cute pet name, Tilly, that it would cease behaving like a KILLER whale, and maybe behave like a goldfish.

Perhaps I just don't have enough faith in the animal kingdom. We have successfully squeezed natural instincts out of dogs and cats, making them house pets, wondering why they no longer hunt the things that intrude upon our homes and kill them. All that "succulent" pet food (I promise the commercial said that just yesterday), in dry and moist, must've made these animals lazy. Why hunt when you can wait for someone to put it in your bowl? Anywho...as I continued to listen, it was further revealed that another trainer was killed by Tilly and that a tourist was found floating dead near her on another occasion. Seems to me that Tilly doesn't know she has the name of a docile slave character in a Roots spin off but identifies deeply with WHAT she is.

So, this goes out to trainers at Sea World and places like it, Sigfried and Roy, the Crocodile Hunter (& his family following in his footsteps), folks who've been maimed by sharks and bears while encroaching upon THEIR territory, and white people others like them: C'MON SON!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT!! Why can't you just let shit live? Must you conquer, shackle, cage, ride, and work the hell out of EVERY creature on the planet? Your universal credit is going down. Other groups of people and animals alike are tired of being your donkeys and are comin fo' dat azz. It's time you start repenting before you find yourself on the wrong side of servitude the likes of which we can't even imagine. Get your karma right, folks.

Before I wrap up completely, let me say this. Tilly the whale is being forgiven for following her natural instincts. She will continue to receive free room and board but will not be expected to work (way to figure out the system, Tilly). Tilly's going on welfare. The key word, though, is forgiven. How many PEOPLE do you know whose trangressions have not been forgiven by other PEOPLE? Uhhh, can we say Tiger Woods...Michael Vick. Animals got more rights than humans in this bass ackwards society of ours. America. The land of the... what now?

Watch me move.