God Body

We do this funny thing at work where we create committees to hash out issues that have been hashed out before by a different group of people (for some reason the members rotate around the various available committees) who had already invented the wheel. The remixed committee comes together without the notes from the previous year and proceeds to try to make wheels that started off round, then became square and triangular, round again. Exercises in futility.

In our latest committee meeting I arrived to the stifling heat of a building still running heat because the shut-off date hasn’t arrived yet—in honor of the fluke return of winter that inevitably comes after all our flowering buds open up believing that spring has sprung. I took my post in the room, still holding onto my hot tea out of habit and tried to feign interest in the meeting. The schedule that includes what I currently do came up and my ears perked up a little, finding the relevance to my life, and I waited to see what manner of nonsense would be put in affect (temporarily, cuz they stay changing stuff month to month). The rundown was given and I didn’t hear my class mentioned as part of the schedule.

My ears lay back down and I continued sipping my tea. I drink a mug of peppermint tea every morning during the Fall/Winter seasons. Hot drinks help to kill bacteria lurking and stave off sickness. Hot drinks are soothing to my soul and help me ease into my day with a sense of calm. As the news came down, with no forewarning, my soul remained soothed and a greater sense of calm ensued. In that moment, I was reminded of my goddess status the power of words and my ability to create that which I want. I’ve been complaining about not being challenged ALL YEAR, about the ridiculousness of the position I hold and feeling like it was transitional anyway. I’ve done a damn good job of turning nothing into something, with my students taking home EVERYTHING they’ve learned as proof positive that they learn AND have a good time doing so. Even still, I’m not sure that if I was asked, that I’d be able to nod in the affirmative that I’d stay in this position. Now, I can stop asking myself this question, siding only with remaining employed “in these uncertain times,” verses actually riding on faith and taking a huge leap. The question’s been answered.

The room probed my face, searching for some kind of prior knowledge, some hint of a reaction and I gave them none. My body let out a silent sigh of relief and I checked into the meeting in a different way and actually started contributing. For the past 2 days I’ve been fielding questions about whether I knew first or was blindsided, and just what will become of my beloved class. No, no, and I don’t give a damn. What no one managed to catch, but me, was the fact that there will be no bodies lost in this restructuring. Perhaps my challenge (because I do love this profession…) lies there. A meeting awaits. I haven’t called it, it hasn’t called me, but a discussion looms in the near future and other decisions will have to be made. For now, I just feel really good about knowing just how powerful I am, that all things work out, and that if I want it, I SHALL have it cuz I’m THAT DOPE!! Call me a cocky bitch…I will indeed raise my leg up on you.

My future is not set in stone, but it IS brightly lit. Don’t cry for me if you don’t see me shed a tear.

Watch me move.