The Future Has A Past (borrowed from J. California Cooper)

[I be reading…]

I brought my iPod for New Crush (he needs a name) to review after the sideways challenge implied by his assumption that it was full of Eric Benet & some other artist that lands on my “Aww naw, hell naw” list. He listened & was impressed with some of the obscure finds in the mix & given a case of the nostalgic grins as well. We talked at length, for us, about our commonalities & I was given some information about him as well. It’s stored in my mental Rolodex, prepared to be flipped to in the event that anything such as a 1st date is allowable in our future. For now…it’s all a game of intrigue. Flirt game proper, I’m bein’ cool about mine on the outside while bubbling over with giddiness every time I see him.

His sense of humor & quick, dry-witted jokes make me smile with ALL my teeth. He tells the kind of jokes that requires you to have read something & to know the language beyond conversational English. He’s citified bourgeois, a sheltered upbringing with an adventurous spirit. I’m trying to keep my “hands” off of him because it’s the right thing to do. He hasn’t spoken of or hinted toward any “situations” *gag* but circumstantially speaking—now’s just not the time, if ever.

It amazes me how often men who pique my interest are found in spaces & places that make it next to impossible to pursue. It really makes me question some of the social rules we have in place governing whom we have access to & whom we do not. For now, I’ll play by the rules.

While that’s not goin’ down, there’s another rule questioning situation at hand. I found gifts from a Secret Admirer on my windshield Friday afternoon. As much as I would LOOOOOOOVE for it to have come from New Crush, it was painfully obvious that it wasn’t from him. Certain clues from it made me think it was a certain “gentleman” who I thought I liked for a brief moment this summer, only to discover there was no way in 4 neighborhoods in Hell that I could deal with what that Rockhead was cookin. It’s not that he’s unintelligent, he just has WAY TOO MUCH goin on. I’m on a drama-free diet & he’s a season ticket holder. Thanks but… Over dinner, cuz we are still cool, I was able to decipher that it was NOT him who wrote the note. While driving down Florida Ave Saturday afternoon, the author of the note called my cell from the car in the lane next to me & gave himself away. Nice enough dude & someone I quietly checked from afar when I was in high school. & by a far I mean the back seat or 5 paces back because my good girlfriend was dealing with him. Or wishing she was. Either way, he’s tryin to holla in the present & I’m busy trying to calculate the statute of limitations on the past. Said girlfriend is Peggy Bundy these days (married with children) but she had it bad over this dude. I don’t necessarily have it for him at all but sometimes you never know who or what’s for you out here in these streets. I just want to be clear on the front end that if something he’s working with is to be part of my present, or future, that it’s been cleared by To Whom It May Concern.

My cousin recently asked if she could pass an ex-possibility on to her sister because she sees the similarities in them & thinks it could end both of their single streaks. I told her go on ahead. That was 10 years ago &, while it was definitely a high point in my life, I have no rights to hold onto that which was never mine. If he finds a love connection with my other cousin, then so be it. I will gladly go pay for something off the gift registry in their honor. Everyone doesn’t feel that way. I get it. In the meantime, I’m hands off of everything & everyone until I have a little more information & see some of these yellow lights turn green.

Watch me move.