Shoe Personality of the Week: 9/13/2010

This is the shoe life has picked out for me right now. Sexy ain’t it? As a woman always searching for the deeper meaning, I think this horrendous shoe is trying to prepare me for this shoe.

Thick Soled.

Or is it Thick Souled?

I can’t really make out what’s happening to me right now. Usually I have some forewarning that things are about to shape shift on me. Perhaps I did & read the tea leaves incompletely, leaving the most important part of the message behind on the table with the uneaten fortune cookie. This is not a message you can just add “in the bed” to the end for kicks. There’s little funny here, yet I keep laughing.

This is where the beauty of writing really comes in. If you were to ask me, I couldn’t tell you another time I’d felt like this. My older sister, the information pack rat, has held on to many things I’ve written to over the years, showcasing my thought process at any given time. Today she gifted me my words from 2002 & 2005. They’re full of wisdom, audacity, & wanting. They’re born of a time such as the 1 I’m presently experiencing. If I were paying attention, & I promise I’m trying, I’d be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m living 1 of those wise old adages about through adversity comes…hell something better on the other side.

Clearly this journey, this long walk I’m on, requires a sole that can support me through all this uncertainty. I need a buffer between me & the concrete that keeps feeling like it’s trying to come up & meet my face. I feel like I’m out here minus my Jeezus Peace or my Rosary beads. I left my holy water next to the Deer Park on the kitchen counter. My Shaman, my Hoodoo Doctor, & the good Reverend are on a golf vacation, leaving me standing alone.

It’s just me & my platforms: the 1’s I’ll use to keep me upright in the face of adversity; the 1 I’ll stand on to speak my peace; the 1 I’m hoping to push the memories of who We were off of; the 1 I’m hoping to eventually help someone up to so he can stand beside me. My mind is too scattered right now to recall what this is from but all I keep thinking—around all the other thoughts swirling around in my dome bowl—is “tomorrow & tomorrow &…”

Watch me move.