Coons, Loons & Silver Spoons

From time to time, as I drive to work I turn on some morning show or another to see what the streets is talkin'. This activity happens rather infrequently because you know the streets mostly ain't talkin' 'bout nothin'. Yesterday I was riding & heard someone named Mary telling the VJs that she was doing this “for the community.” As she continued to speak I was wondering just what was going on in my community that she was saving me/y'all/us from.

Mary went on to say that she was speaking for the voiceless women out there. It, according to her, is time that SOMEONE spoke for them. In her world, no such person has ever stood up & attempted to be the mouthpiece for women. For her son's sake, as Mary went on to say, she needed to speak up because he looks to his father to be his example & basically...dude ain't cuttin' the mustard. Her awfully personal story, though not uncommon, just wasn't ringing clearly as a community issue. I waited with baited breath for her to get to the cotdayumb point already. She continued on, telling how she hadn't spoken to her son in 6 months, but that he's told her that he's not allowed to use his phone, that “the powers that be” take it from him & check his computer to make sure he's not talking to her. Beyond not speaking to him in 6 months, she hasn't actually laid eyes on him in over a year. On & on she went before it was finally made clear that this was Steve Harvey's ex-wife giving Tom Joyner the rundown on how she got excessed from her job. When's the last time you publicly aired out your personal grievances with your significant other for the good of the community?

I'm not into second guessing another woman's hardships but I have to say that as I listened, I found some holes in her story. I don't dare go so far as to say that Steve Harvey, with or without his current wife as his co-conspirator, didn't do her dirty. The ins & outs of their relationship are not my business though they've been made public by Mary's YouTube rants. It is hardly a stretch that Steve Harvey was or is pimpalicious wit' his. Why? Because he's a man...& with money. Steve Harvey, without money, couldn't possibly pull more than 1 woman to lay next to his jowls, steam clean his zoot suits, & work at his English Language Butcher Shop. Hell, the very idea that Nephew Tommy could ever be found on your sofa or at your dinner table is enough to avoid ANYONE with the initials S.H. Alas, monied Steve was out here, so he confirms & the stories go, slayin' these garden tools, as research for his relationship books. I mean, how can you possibly SAY your self help book to your writer if you haven't actually lived these follies you warn women against? Steve's womanizing was a public service. How did his ex-wife not get that?

Anyway, I don't know how the young Harvey son was able to communicate what goes on at the bottom of the stairs (a la Harry Potter & the Dursleys) if she hasn't actually seen him or spoken to him. I'm not saying it isn't possible that the boy's being held hostage in his father's house but I know teenagers will do what they want to do. If he really wanted to talk to his mom, he'd have used a friend's phone, computer, iPad, courier pigeon, or morris coder to get to his mom. See, in working with children & parents, the truth is most folks have NO CONTROL over their children because it requires them to sacrifice. & a man who works as much as Steve Harvey ain't adequately following behind his son. The boy doesn't belong to the new wife, Marjorie, who has her own 2 children in the house to see after so I'd surmise she ain't doin' it either. I suspect Lil Steve is too busy reapin' the rewards of all Big Steve's earnings that he hasn't realized that the other contributor to his Deoxyribonucleic Acid is wilting on the dark side of the moon.

Honestly, the whole thing just sounded unnecessarily tragic, including how she hasn't had an assistant in 6 years. Tom Joyner hopes to be able to use his VJ powers [wait...what?] to make Steve Harvey do what Mary claims he refuses to do—talk to her. She keeps saying that we should believe her because she's not doing this for money. If you gon' be out here puttin' folks on Front Street, lookin' all bitter & whatnot, you may as well get a check. It's the American Way. To me, & no one actually asked, she's just upset that she's lost the ability to do this:




It ain't trickin' if you got it. But when you don't...

Anyway, I ain't mad at Marjorie for being on the come up. This is what she looks like on a chill shopping day. Her whole flava is, as Awesomely Luvvie says, 'bout that Life. Military Trapper Fresh. Did you notice the designer bag is wearing a rain coat too? & Steve's face looks like he just came to America & he's "very happy to be here." It's not my goal, but I get it.

Watch me move.