Feelin' All Tingly & Stuff

This week has been the FLUTHAMUCKIN BEST!! & it’s only Hump Day! It would be even better if it actually involved some humpin…but I digress.

Sunday I was gifted something called Flow Fit by my girlfriends. There I found the most incredible example of how to WORK an AARP card. This Sista-Mama stood lean & lovely, hair short & salt & peppery. Body fierce. Look fierce—wearing yoga pants & the appropriate top better than you or I ever have. Her voice was full of that “It is what I say it is,” confidence that comes with having gone through enough life cycles to arrive comfortably at being TOTALLY secure in your decisions & grown enough to ride with the consequences. As she broke me down, making me sweat from places I was unclear had working pores, I was BEYOND inspired to get my [figurative] weight up. I’m slackin’ out here in these streets, taking for granted this body I was given. I was also reminded that at no point do you have to feel like being shaped like a box naturally comes with age. Hell nah! Not only am I not keeping it as well as I should, but I’m not pushing it to do what it’s truly capable of. In Luvvie terms, I ain’t ‘bout that Life. I AM, however ‘bout that Spring, which helps me get my Life Juice flowing.

Monday I burned from the fire that Sista-Mama lit in every muscle fiber I have. I had to lower myself slowly down to the toilet—discovering it’s much lower than I thought. I had to tip down steps sideways, concerning my students that I was injured. Every painful step reminded me how beautiful hard work is. I work hard all the time, but the things I’m working hard at these days have a singular focus. I’m out here trying to be the very best I can be for my students. I work hard at building a rapport with them. I work hard at honoring their trust. I work EXTREMELY hard trying to figure out how to reach them academically. I work hard at trying to get them to see their worth. I work hard at making sure they know they’re loved. I work hard at seeing them beyond many of their mediocre academic offerings. I work hard at forgiving myself when I don’t get from them what I feel I should. I work hard at honoring my word. I work hard at maintaining high caliber professionalism, & being honest about my weaknesses all the while. See the trend? It’s all work. During the school year I get crazy tunnel vision & forget that all work & no play makes Ndygo a dull girl. My seasons are on the horizon & I’m amped to be able to shake this fur coat mentality (translation: hibernation) & step back out into life. This is cheating though—in the Spring & Summer, I just can’t help it.

Tuesday I felt more productive with my students scholars than I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve been trying to come back around for those who got off the bus to sightsee. We now know the difference between students & scholars & many of them seem eager to prove they are no longer the former. Because of this, they’re policing themselves & drinking in what I’m tryna pour. March is apparently my January, when kids make a switch after the Winter Break & return more mature. I was disappointed when school resumed & there were no changes. I see them now. My kids are budding like adolescent girls’ nubbins. Before the day was over, I had an opportunity to advocate for a child & drive a strong message home. I was heard by a group that tends to dismiss me as the little ni&&a girl in the room. I look too young to know what I’m talking about & the others at the table are usually much older. No matter what they say, it must come with greater experience because they’re older, right? Not necessarily. I’m older than I look & I’ve been at this longer than most people think. I have to often remind myself I’ve been educating in some way since…1998. I’ve only been certified for 4 years, but technically I’m something of a Vet. I haven’t been doing all the same thing to be able to claim full Vet status, but I’ve been at this for a long minute. What I said resonated with the congregation and the “amen” came in the form of an unexpected hug & a thank you. The whole thing caught me off guard because, as I told a friend, I’ve only been thanked 2 other times for what I do as a teacher. #occupationalhazard

Yesterday was so full, I really feel like tomorrow should be Friday. Word is bond. It’s Wednesday though, & it didn’t feel like I was trying to get over anything. I was out of the building seeing a documentary with my students. Sometimes field trips can be whack, with the actual thing you’re going for turning into major disappointment. This doc was “the bomb.com.” I learned a great deal alongside my scholars & had the pleasure of their company. These fewls our out of their minds!! Sometimes being around children telling jokes is enough to make you want to stuff rocks in your ears. The set ups are bad, the punchlines are worse. You only know the joke’s been told because they stop talking & look at you with great expectations that you’ll join them in the unwarranted gut-busting laughter they’re enjoying. You are looking at them like 0__o & muster up a chuckle in hopes that it’ll stop. Quickly. It rarely does. This wasn’t that. These kids are hilarious jokesters with great comedic timing. Ahhhh, to be a kid. They have so much fun. I laughed at them & I laughed with them, even when they were inappropriate. We weren’t at school & I’m no drill sergeant. Do what you do, kiddies, as long as it’s not going to cause me to write you up. & they did. We all greatly enjoyed each other & had the relaxed time we need as we approach the major standardized test that measures their merit as students (because the test ain’t measuring scholarship) & my merit as an educator. In the end, it will be what it will be. I’m trying to keep us all calm through this—no need to get our big drawls (esp. summa these boys…lawd) in a bunch.

--Intermittently, I haven't seen much of B.B. in the last 2 weeks & the unsettled feeling makes me feel oddly more alive. I want to say determined as well, but I don't think that's the right choice of words. I think...I feel more appreciative of who B.B. is what our time means. #thankful

Back to the regularly scheduled programming... I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring. I’m on high from the past 4 days so I can only assume I’ll just carry the feeling over=pay it forward. It’ll be busy with work, but followed by going to secure my contribution to the necessary vittles for my weekend getaway. When you can’t beat Winter, join it. So, for my Winter birthday (whose whack idea was that?) I’ll be going up to the slopes with some old friends, a couple new 1’s, some family, & some friends of a friend to partake of some *in my Whitley Gilbert voice* relax, relate, release time. I have that buzz that comes with an energy surge that comes before a bunch of changes. I anticipate, based on the lack of tightness in my body, that it’ll be all good. I’m excited, anxious, & ready. I got my game face on. My heart & mind are open. Don’t get swept away by the flutter of my skirt as I blow by on a warm breeze. Don’t be blinded by my new skin.

#BringItOn

Watch me move.