Uhmmm...Ma'am...

Dear Queen Latifah,

My heart hurts. For true. In a heart attack-y kinda way. Not that I’ve had 1, but I assume that if I had or were having 1, it’d feel something like what I’m experiencing now. Everything about this picture is SCREAMING for an intervention. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Why come you thought this was appropriate to wear in public?

I get that wigs are the old new disguise of choice these days. We can all get out here & reinvent ourselves for the purposes of…saying we did, I guess…& put on all types of bananas costumage. The problem is, as a celebrity, you can be paparazzied & have ALL your mistakes blast in HD all over the innerwebs. This look, Love, a la Chrissy from Three’s Company, is just NOT YOU!! We won’t even get into how you’re also wearing a yellow-ish dress with this insanity on your head, making you 1 platinum hair hat away from needing to be committed.

If it were left to me to assume how this even occurred, I’d have to say that you’ve spent too much time in the factories, breathing in the chemicals used in your Covergirl line. By doing so, & having this as the end result, I will certainly NOT be putting any of your products on my skin. I don’t need anyone catching me out in these streets rockin’ any such madness on my head, looking like the female drummer from the Muppets. No Ma’am. I suggest you fire your friends & your team of “get ready” professionals. None of them love you or respect your dollars. Instead, they’ve allowed you to put this trashedy on & then hit you with the “yeah, Girl, that is YOU!!” Then they gave you a few snaps to seal the deal & make you feel as though your trusted allies had put you in position to give the people the FEVAH! Instead, you’ve given me the hives. Looking at this wig makes me itch under the neck, where yours seems to have gotten stuck in the moist creases under your chin.

Ma’am, you are way too pretty for this foolishness & I beg of you to cease & desist post and haste. Lets put this situation behind us & pretend it never happened (minus the pic availability on the innerwebs). We can treat this like when a young cousin gets pregnant. We can sweep this under the rug, as she was, pretending this never existed. & luckily for you, this wig won’t give birth to evidence of its existence, unlike the young cousin & that baby. I promise to never speak of this again if you promise to return the wig to the Three’s Company Museum of Montana. Why? Because the blonde mop a-top your head is neither the crown for a queen, befitting of anyone named Latifah, & Dana ain’t ‘round the way enough for this to pass as acceptable by those classified loosely as "an’nem."

Lets work on getting your life right, Honey. The fact that you produced (or was it directed?) the wasteland that is Single Ladies (or so I’ve heard because I REFUSE to watch it), I suspect you’re goin’ through some thangs. We’ll keep you in prayer.

Sincerely,

Ndygo Sunshyne

Watch me move.