Shoe Personality of the Week: 9/19/2011

If there were EVER an exact shoe match to what I’m feeling RIGHT NOW…it’s this.

I’ve done this before but Imma run down a list of adjectives that cross my mind as I look at this shoe & then apply them to my situation.
• Unusual
• Peerless
• Provocative
• Caged
• Blunt
• Two-toned

Nothing about this shoe, save the round toe, is common. I suspect this woman is probably 1 of 2 people on the streets with this shoe. In this way it is both unusual and peerless. The wearer has no cause to fear Payless Shoe Source™ will come out with it’s knock down off version & reduce her find to a passing fancy. Right now, I am the only 1 like me in my environment. It’s a position I both treasure & abhor. Having no peers with similar experiences to bounce your thoughts off of is often very lonely. You can never tell if your mind is a spin-doctor or if you’re really experiencing what you thing you’re experiencing. I’m essentially riding dolo, the only 1 of my kind in a lane full of people who have more shared experiences. I share some of their experiences as well, but the parts of me most visible are those things we do NOT have in common. I am a council of 1 who can seek the counsel of none.

The shoe is provocative. It causes a strong reaction. You either find it to be the business or you want it all the way out of your sight. I rather like it. I dare say I love it. Love is a strong reaction. I am provoked into loving this shoe. I apparently provoke strong feelings as well. It hasn’t mattered what my hair looks like, so I won’t blame it on the “low boy” I am presently rocking. My nose has been pierced since I was 19, but these kinds of reactions began well before that. My earrings are big & bold, & I’m sure that says a great deal about me, especially in concert with the “low boy” & the nose ring but it’s still something of a limited scope. I don’t know. Maybe I look like I read & people hate books so therefore… Maybe I walk too tall for a shorty, with my head held too high like I have the nerve to…be OK with who I am. Who does that? Honestly, it’s not for me to say what emotions I provoke, but I recognize that I provoke them.

The leather strips encasing the black shoe inside reminds me of a cage. I feel caged. Right now I’m trapped in my mind, shackled by my heart. My mind is in fight mode, wanting to best those that stand against me for reasons that are totally unreasonable & based on active imaginations. I feel like I must bite my tongue—a most uncomfortable feeling—while also feeling the need to carry a bullhorn & point out all of the ridiculous inequities that are occurring right now. I feel caged by my inability to decipher a plan of action that makes sense for the long term & that is beneficial to the many (despite that feeling of being peerless). Right now, I feel like the lit match ready to land on an oil slick. No bueno.

Everything about this shoe is blunt. It basically requires you to love it or leave it alone. It offers you no middle grounds. This concept is essentially repetitive the 1’s revealed by what feeling caged is doing to me but there’s more to it. When trapped, I have 1 style—FIGHT. Flight is considered not an option because the assumption is that I’m trapped & subsequently able to move. However, there ARE spaces that 1 can squeeze through in order to get free. You may not squeeze through unscathed, but you can squeeze through. Right now, I feel the need to invite folks in through the spaces. Come inside & underestimate me. Step into the prison you feel like you’ve designed for me & then let me put you to sleep. #KnuckleUpGuardYaGrill Essentially, once you enter, you will be very clear what’s goin’ upside your head, & I’ll be giving LOUD commentary to those on the outside so they can fully understand how I got you splayed.

Two-toned. The shoe is neutral. In color only. It’s doing several things at once, most notably in color. That’s where I am. I am able to laugh & smile through my day, no matter how tenuous things feel around me, because this shit IS laughable. It’s so absurdly unbelievable that laughter is really the only thing left other than tears. Well, I ain’t got time to be crying over this nonsense; at least not yet. The fire hasn’t even begun to lick at my heels, I’m sure. Why waste good moisture so early in the game? As I’m laughing, my mind is racing, processing what the hell is going on. I’m taking it all in, & then making use of the tools of a good reader. I’m making predictions, asking questions, going back & summarizing, & then drawing conclusions (shout outs to good lessons). All. On. The. Fly. & then the application of my newly acquired knowledge base begins, informing my next decisions. & folks need to start praying I don’t decide they’re in my way. #Imjessayin

Ugly or beautiful? You decide. It’s the decision that gets made about me daily. Like this shoe, I’m going to stand alone irregardless regardless of the way the votes get tallied. I’m gon’ strut pride FULL in your face because you do not decide my worth. I don't come from no head hung low type women. The sooner you know that the easier this goes for us all.

Watch me move.