Da Kang's Anglish...cont'

"a" is for apple. Follow me...


When trolling Facebook statuses & tweets, it never fails that someone types something like “Alllll man!! Did you see her ass?!?” & then they launch into whatever exciting or trifling thing that the woman in question has inspired their 2 heads to think. At 1st it was only something I noticed on the updates of my middle school students. It was just 1 more thing they were confused on. I've come to discover that people apparently don't hear well. Or maybe it's that they don't read. In all the books & comics I've read, the sound for when something is cute or sweet, or even amazing, has ALWAYS been a-w-w...however many w's made the point of just how cute or sweet or amazing something is. That sound ends in “w” or “wh.” As in wind...why...what...will. “W-w-w-w, what begins with w?” Remember that Dr. Seuss moment, teaching all us girls & boys the wondrous words we win when letters are woven together? That's alliteration. Anyway. When you add any number of l's behind an “a” it's still just the word “all.” That means the innocent looking “allllll man” means every man. All of 'em. Each & every man. Makes no sense does it? Nope, none.


The entry of the word “every” & the word “sense” bring me to my next pet peeve: “every since...” It comes up in songs—thanks Timbaland--& in conversation more than writing, but I've seen it there too. & it's GOT to STOP. See, “every” means each or all in a collective or group. In this instance it would be all of the “since.” If you know anything about English--which I'm going to snobbishly assume you don't if you say this—then you know that “senses” can be multiples (as in the 5) but not “since.” “Since” refers to time, typically past to present, even if it was only a second ago. For example, it has been about 15 seconds since the last time I typed the word “since.” See how I did that?


Let me, if I may, take you to English class for just a moment. In the 1st case it was about the word representation of sound, or onomatopoeia. In the case of “since” & “sense” they're homophones. They're pronounced the same but have different meanings AND spellings. Those damned Europeans... Stay with me now. If you say “My girl been trippin' every since I lost my job,” you've said...well...nothing. Like I said, you can't have each of the “since” because there's only 1 & its meaning doesn't fit in a plural fashion. The word you're looking for is EVER. “Ever” references time just like “since” does. It's about the continuation of time. If I replace “every” with “ever” the sentence changes into something that...makes SENSE. Ha!! It becomes, “my girl been trippin' EVER since I lost my job.” That means that your girl ain't been ackin' right from the moment you lost yo' job til this very moment. A continuation of time that's been working every one her nerves, causing her to work yours.


For those of you that know a lil sumpin bout Anglish, you've recognized that in each of those sentences there was a lack of a proper apostrophe folowing “girl.” You were probably looking for me to say “My girl'S been trippin' ever since I lost my job.” This speaks to yet another problem I see AND hear in epidemic proportions: the lack of the use of apostrophes. My guess would be that the misappropriation of the apostrophe to represent the accent mark has got the kids all confused on what's what. Honestly, how do you know what to do with the crazy floating symbol that hangs between the “i” & the “a” in your name & then you go & freakishly find it written behind an “s?” You couldn't possibly know what to do or be able to remember how to use it...no matter what your teacher says or how many times it's written on the board (or on your lunch box, in books, magazines, newspapers, billboards, tags, name brands, stores, shops & other businesses...).


This has only been 2 examples but they are widespread & bring me grief. It's clear that they are born of some mutated listening disability caused by a lack of reading & well...listening. Now, that may not make SENSE to you, but I promise that the more you see words (when you understand phonemes & blends) the more they make SENSE. It's how you can encounter a word in its written form & recognize it immediately. You've heard the word often & then you finally see it & know right away what it is. Like the 1st time I read the word “milieu.” Now, right away, if you thought I wasn't gon' hit you with something mildly (cuz this is mild) educational, you was #allaway wrong. Imma leave you to reach for your dictionary but Imma still finish this story. I'd heard the word milieu in passing from 1 or 2 people. It wasn't a word I'd heard a lot because...well...once you look it up you'll see there really aren't too many occasions for its use in general convos. Still, the kindsa folks I come from & the 1's they're around at times don't blink when it comes to flexin' their vocabs, when it counts of course. Blah, blah, blah...I'd heard it like twice & when it came up in a book I was reading, I didn't have to look the word up in hopes of finding the pronunciation. I KNEW what it was. No question. & I was right. Because...I read good. I tickle me.


Anyway...


I ain't gon' disrespect your whole attention span while I'm also disrespecting you or your relations' lack of sight-reading ability gone wrong in a whole speak & spell train wreck kinda way. It all reads like I've bent over & spread 'em before you, all cheeky (double entendre...you wit'me?), but it REALLY IS a PSA (public service announcement for those of you also not up on your acronyms) to help us all get better with this communication thing. It's important. Your paycheck might depend on it.


Watch me move.