Shoe Personality of the Week: 4/16/2012

Retro.

adj-imitative of a style, fashion, or design from the recent past.

noun-denoting action that is directed backward or is reciprocal.

Retro is in, literally & figuratively, as adjective & noun in my Life. The figurative is thru the reclamation of 60's fashion. I'll explore some of the literal below.

When I was just shy of 5, my career decision was to be an obstetrician. I had seen it 1st hand from the comforts of my parents' bedroom & decided that delivering babies was the most incredible thing anyone, I, could do. The gynecological side chased me away from that profession, having ZERO interest in dealing full time in girly parts. I just wanted to be a part of the miracle of Life; nothing more & nothing less. I'd forgotten, as I grew up, that my mother's experience was with midwives. I suppose I identified with the sort of underground world that was midwifery, later discovering it was mostly illegal & never considered it as a viable option vs the modern medicine approach. In my 20's, the notion came full circle with a different aspect of the birthing experience & I got turned out by the concept of doulas. For those of you not in the know, a doula is a woman trained to assist during childbirth & who also provide support to the family after the baby is born. Midwifery lite. Obsessed with this, but studying education as my other intro into participating in the miracle of Life, I read up on doulas, OD'd on birthing shows on TLC & Discovery channels, & watched every documentary I could--including a fascinating 1 about a woman in Chicago who offered doula services to low income TEEN moms who would otherwise have NO guidance going through the labor & delivery process. It's called A Doula's Story & you should check it out if you have a minute to click on the link. I'd found a midwifery school in Florida--only--& knew I wasn't going to move there & live by the moon cycle under this harsh old school personality in a boarding school style environment with a bunch of women like me. While it may sound cool to many, it sounded very isolating & the recipe for insanity based on what I know about me & my needs. So, I abandoned the notion.

Last year an old friend dropped literally out of the sky & landed at a cookout I was at & brought with her this concept. She'd apparently tapped into what the women in her family have always been & had travelled to & lived in Africa where she was trained in midwifery. She brought her skills back stateside because, as she put it, there aren't a lot of women of color who are trained midwives. She intends to help increase those numbers by also bringing aspects of "home" into the education so that it makes more sense to some of us who feel a deeper connection to some other concepts. I mentioned to her the irony of her mission & how I'd been wanting to do doula training (since I'd finally found some programs). I asked her about some of the programs, finding it odd that I could do something like that online or in 1 weekend. She assured me that I could not...not well, at least, & gave me a 4 inch binder full of what all I'd need to study. The weight of the binder & it's contents--much of which I already know through experience & this intuitive connection I have to the birthing process, personal studies of gestation & child development--& the time available in my Life with teaching, etc & was shaken away from the notion yet again. I could easily be a certified doula right now with $300 & a weekend at the Gaylord hotel but it felt half assed, to say the least. I put the binder down in plain sight in my living room (& wondering how subconsciously intentional that was) instead of giving it right back to Z.

Two weeks ago I made the decision to change direction in my career path, looking at some other ways to impact education outside of the confines of the classroom. 3 to 5 days later I get a text from Z asking where my head is at with doula training. Retro, right?

There are others. I'll spare you the full on story. Just know that this decision to move on has opened the door to a few different desires I've had as I've pondered how to be ALL of what I want to be. Part of my confusion around returning to school, aside from who is paying for it, has always been about WHICH of my interests do I choose over the rest & decide to invest in? Or, can I do it all? Well, apprenticeships don't come like they once did, or I would have already been up under an interior decorator. The study of it wasn't a bill that made sense to me, especially as such luxuries are affected by the economy & we're clear what the deal is with that. I've always wanted to go back to study creative writing but had more than a few naysayers questioning why I'd pay to study something I already do. Yeah, but...I paint my own nails really well but if I wanted to be a tech, I'm sure I'd need to know the tools of the trade. Study. Anywho... The state of literacy, whether y'all can read good, has been a huge concern for me since being in schools & I'm inclined to deal in programming to assist in massaging that situation. I've always wanted to be a fitness instructor, but you can't just show up at a gym & say "I've been working out since I was 9 yrs old & I'd love to get paid to do it while helping others." Not exactly how it works.

I don't know for sure what direction I'm going in--whether I'm about to become a doula who decorates nurseries--but it seems fairly certain that I'll be moving forward by taking some retro steps back.

Watch me move.