Trying to Care, But...

Considering the 1st time I heard about Beyonce’s Black Face photo shoot was on February 23rd, I suppose you could call me late. I’ve mentioned on more than 1 occasion that I hate bandwagoning but there are times when it’s necessary. Well, I’m actually not late, I’ve just been sitting on this trying to process my feelings about it. I’m also not really bandwagoning. I haven’t seen too much about this on the Innerwebs. It was still important to me to cozy all the way up to these flicks & make as much of an unbiased decision as possible.

By unbiased, I mean I am not 1 of those women who prays at the feet of Beyjesus. I am not a fan of BeYacky’s anything. I’ve danced to a couple of her songs, but over the course of her career, including the Destiny’s Child years, it wouldn’t add up to a full CD. I might give her EP credit but I’d do it reluctantly. I don’t celebrate BeyHov as the Black It Couple. I don’t think she’s the baddest thing out there, recognizing that she’s a baby & a Popeye’s chicken sammich away from being her Mama Tina (affectionately known in some hoods as the Keeper of the Wig Crypt). I don’t know too many running around hailing her as a Cougar (if I bought into the concept) they want to tame. B. bores me. I find Solange to be far more interesting & attractive—since removing her hair hat & allowing us to all actually see her—than the Robot B is considered by most. While some of you are actually pretending to wonder Who Is Sasha Fierce, I’m wondering why she doesn’t hire a stylist who knows that leotards do not an outfit make. I’m underwhelmed by her “vagina wagging” on stage, her tired female anthems that don’t actually depict her situation, & her blonder-by-the-day waist-length lacefront that, IMO, helps further confuse Baby Brownins who have to scrounge to find validating imagery.

I can assume that you get why I might have a hard time looking at ANYTHING Beyonce does with an unbiased eye. I’m just not >Crazy In Love with her. Or like…or interest…or…

The controversy wasn’t so much over the whole photo shoot as it was the fact that she did ANY black face pics. Naturally, offense was taken by most who’ve spoken up about them. A friend was even hoping I’d chime right in, but I couldn’t. I really needed to just put my feet in them & soak for a while. I guess it’s because the whole thing just reminded me of playing in mud. Sigh…



So, the 1st picture is B. wearing whack braids a la Poetic Justice, a worser head wrap—clearly wrapped by a non-melanated person--& her black face. A question was raised if a person is black & they wear black face, is it even still black face? I don’t know. I’m not the expert on Coonery or all that qualifies under this heading. More than anything, she looks like she’s been fondued. That face looks like the chocolate on the chocolate dipped bananas kits found in the produce department at the grocery store. It never quite looks delicious, not even because I think bananas are the devil’s fruit, but because it looks like something Dave Chapelle could have used in 1 of his BG’s & MudButt skits. Artistic? Only if you’re a isht fetishist. & I am not.

While we’re on black face, there was this 1 too:



Several issues here. 1. WHAT in the PETA enthusiast hell is that Chuguar (cheetah, cougar, jaguar) jacket she’s wearing? Skip a don’t, it’s a fashion NEVER. 2. Traveling from the neckline, either someone ran out of Chocolate Banana Dip #3 or they underestimated just how broad this chick’s neck is. We’ve faded. The dip on her face is SO dark that you can’t even make out her eyes. I’m no black face expert, but I thought part of the jig was to further enhance the whites of the eyes to make them pop out & look even more ridiculous. This is just a big ol’ #FAIL. 3. If you’re not looking with a trained eye (read: scrutinizing the hell outta these pics) you’ll miss the green paint on her middle finger that I guess is supposed to make you believe that she applied her own war paint(?), tribal markings(?), fake me out Fela style(?), bad make up. I don’t know what’s s’posed to be goin’ on here. It makes me feel nothing except that someone doesn’t really love her or the magazine this shoot was for.

Sigh…



Enter the, uhmmm… I’on’teven know. It seems we've moved away from the fondued outside of the banana kit to the inside. Now she's covered in a foundation I'm not sure many white women could even wear. This actually makes me think of Charro. Her chesticles aren’t big enough to qualify, but all that’s left is perhaps I Dream Of Jeannie. You forgave Jeannie because she lived in a lamp & was unable to keep up with current fashion trends. & Charro was old d’en a mug before you were ever old enough to laugh at the sadness of her existence. They coulda been doin' anything to her over at the nursing home. Beyonce’s excuse? I know…I can’t think of any either.

The whack head wrap made another appearance & there was some Cleopatra-esque head-gear that did NOTHING to accentuate B. or her tank top. However, there was 1 moment that was appropriate for what seemed to be going on.



This is sorta Grace Jones meets the makers of Monica’s shoulder pad clad wardrobe meets JC Penny’s ethnic collection. It even comes replete with a leotard so you don’t forget she’s the queen of the Vagina Waggers (Keri Hilson & Ciara study at her academy). Even in all it’s gold lame (assume the accent mark) head wrap ridiculousness, B. is giving you the appropriate fever despite the chill she may be feeling around her pubis.

I’ve poked plenty of fun & snarked my way all through this. I think the point is that I just don’t care enough about Beyonce (I can feel a little of my sister’s love for me shrink every time I declare this) to consider whether she’s just set us all back ½ a century. In truth, our media worthy behavior in so many arenas is challenging whether this even rates. My final opinion, just took shape. I’m not mad at Beyonce for this. She makes her money entertaining the PAYING masses. This means she’s liable to do anything to be able to continue with the lifestyle she’s afforded herself. Some folks sell rocks, some folks pretend to want to date Flava Flav, & some folks wag vaginas. I place all blame on the person who conceptualized this Flintstonian tribute ethnic contributions to fashion movements. THEY are the 1’s who need a little training, at the very least in cosmetology & at the most in cultural sensitivities. Beyonce just took the check as she’s been trained to do. #pavlov’sdog.

Watch me move.